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Snowmen are Stalking Barack Obama!

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Snowmen are stalking Obama. No, this is not the title of a B-movie holiday flick, nor highly bizarre propaganda. Frozen, man-made men are literally peering through the Oval Office window through button eyes, grinning coal grins as black as their souls, and we need to have a discussion.

You’re likely familiar with pediophobia patients: those who can’t calmly step in an antique shop to face a shelf full of porcelain dolls. And coulrophobia sufferers, who often won’t set foot in a circus to dare confront the clowns. But have you ever seen a passerby flinch at Frosty, amidst holiday decor? This is a fear known as hominochionophobia, and HuffPost reports that the POTUS has got the slush-crusted fever. He dished it to People–and that was his fatal mistake.

It’s okay, Barry! He just loves warm hugs!

“There’s a whole kind of Chucky element to them,” he said, with a nod–or a head-shake?–to our favorite Good Guy, mere weeks ago. “They’re a little creepy.”

“A little” was putting it mildly. He later went so far as to threaten to move when Michelle quipped that she’d place a snowman in their bedroom–if only half-jokingly.

While the FLOTUS may have been teasing, the White House staff was about to take their joke far more seriously.

They caught wind of the jolly snow family residing in the Rose Garden, neighboring the Oval Office. “Then we realized the snowmen were too heavy to easily lift,” White House photographer, Pete Souza, posted on Instagram. He exposed the yuletide prank on his profile there, in a play-by-play. “But finally, this morning before the President came to the office, some helpful staff ― I won’t say who ― moved all the snowmen so each one was peeking through a different window into the Oval. This photo was taken this afternoon as the President signed end-of-the-year bills.”

Barack was onto them. This was it. It had all come down to this: the Obama-nible snowman.

It was time to put his black belt in tae kwon do (no, seriously–look it up) to good use.

One can only imagine what happened from there. Surely, he hurtled himself through the window, delivering a swift chop to the icy bastard’s neckline. It decapitated him, leaving a lone orange scarf in his midst. Barack then performed several flips, in styles fit for an Olympian. Perhaps a roundhouse kick, direct to his portly slush gut, was the final blow, or–…or perhaps the president just doubled over in laughter. Either way, we’d like to believe that one of his final acts in office was not solely to protect himself, but his beloved nation, as well.

Merry Christmas, Obama: you live to celebrate another year.

“Next year, Obama. You won’t have the secret service to protect you anymore.”

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Editorial

Yay or Nay: What’s Good and Bad in Horror This Week

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Horror Movies

Welcome to Yay or Nay a weekly mini post about what I think is good and bad news in the horror community written in bite-sized chunks. 

Yay:

Mike Flanagan talking about directing the next chapter in the Exorcist trilogy. That might mean he saw the last one and realized there were two left and if he does anything well it’s draw out a story. 

Yay:

To the announcement of a new IP-based film Mickey Vs Winnie. It’s fun to read comical hot takes from people who haven’t even seen the movie yet.

Nay:

The new Faces of Death reboot gets an R rating. It’s not really fair — Gen-Z should get an unrated version like past generations so they can question their mortality the same as the rest of us did. 

Yay:

Russell Crowe is doing another possession movie. He’s quickly becoming another Nic Cage by saying yes to every script, bringing the magic back to B-movies, and more money into VOD. 

Nay:

Putting The Crow back in theaters for its 30th anniversary. Re-releasing classic movies at the cinema to celebrate a milestone is perfectly fine, but doing so when the lead actor in that film was killed on set due to neglect is a cash grab of the worst kind. 

The Crow
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Lists

The Top-Searched Free Horror/Action Movies on Tubi This Week

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The free streaming service Tubi is a great place to scroll when you’re unsure what to watch. They are not sponsored or affiliated with iHorror. Still, we really appreciate their library because it’s so robust and has many obscure horror movies so rare you can’t find them anywhere in the wild except, if you’re lucky, in a moist cardboard box at a yard sale. Other than Tubi, where else are you going to find Nightwish (1990), Spookies (1986), or The Power (1984)?

We take a look at the most searched horror titles on the platform this week, hopefully, to save you some time in your endeavor to find something free to watch on Tubi.

Interestingly at the top of the list is one of the most polarizing sequels ever made, the female-led Ghostbusters reboot from 2016. Perhaps viewers have seen the latest sequel Frozen Empire and are curious about this franchise anomaly. They will be happy to know it’s not as bad as some think and is genuinely funny in spots.

So take a look at the list below and tell us if you are interested in any of them this weekend.

1. Ghostbusters (2016)

Ghostbusters (2016)

An otherworldly invasion of New York City assembles a pair of proton-packed paranormal enthusiasts, a nuclear engineer and a subway worker for battle.An otherworldly invasion of New York City assembles a pair of proton-packed paranormal enthusiasts, a nuclear engineer and a subway worker for battle.

2. Rampage

When a group of animals becomes vicious after a genetic experiment goes awry, a primatologist must find an antidote to avert a global catastrophe.

3. The Conjuring The Devil Made Me Do It

Paranormal investigators Ed and Lorraine Warren uncover an occult conspiracy as they help a defendant argue that a demon forced him to commit murder.

4. Terrifier 2

After being resurrected by a sinister entity, Art the Clown returns to Miles County, where his next victims, a teenage girl and her brother, await.

5. Don’t Breathe

A group of teens breaks into a blind man’s home, thinking they’ll get away with the perfect crime but get more than they bargained for once inside.

6. The Conjuring 2

In one of their most terrifying paranormal investigations, Lorraine and Ed Warren help a single mother of four in a house plagued by sinister spirits.

7. Child’s Play (1988)

A dying serial killer uses voodoo to transfer his soul into a Chucky doll which winds up in the hands of a boy who may be the doll’s next victim.

8. Jeepers Creepers 2

When their bus breaks down on a deserted road, a team of high school athletes discovers an opponent they cannot defeat and may not survive.

9. Jeepers Creepers

After making a horrific discovery in the basement of an old church, a pair of siblings find themselves the chosen prey of an indestructible force.

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Morticia & Wednesday Addams Join Monster High Skullector Series

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Believe it or not, Mattel’s Monster High doll brand has an immense following with both young and not-so-young collectors. 

In that same vein, the fan base for The Addams Family is also very large. Now, the two are collaborating to create a line of collectible dolls that celebrate both worlds and what they have created is a combination of fashion dolls and goth fantasy. Forget Barbie, these ladies know who they are.

The dolls are based on Morticia and Wednesday Addams from the 2019 Addams Family animated movie. 

As with any niche collectibles these aren’t cheap they bring with them a $90 price tag, but it’s an investment as a lot of these toys become more valuable over time. 

“There goes the neighborhood. Meet the Addams Family’s ghoulishly glamorous mother-daughter duo with a Monster High twist. Inspired by the animated movie and clad in spiderweb lace and skull prints, the Morticia and Wednesday Addams Skullector doll two-pack makes for a gift that’s so macabre, it’s downright pathological.”

If you want to pre-purchase this set check out The Monster High website.

Wednesday Addams Skullector doll
Wednesday Addams Skullector doll
Footwear for Wednesday Addams Skullector doll
Morticia Addams Skullector doll
Morticia Addams doll shoes
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