News
Snowmen are Stalking Barack Obama!
Snowmen are stalking Obama. No, this is not the title of a B-movie holiday flick, nor highly bizarre propaganda. Frozen, man-made men are literally peering through the Oval Office window through button eyes, grinning coal grins as black as their souls, and we need to have a discussion.
You’re likely familiar with pediophobia patients: those who can’t calmly step in an antique shop to face a shelf full of porcelain dolls. And coulrophobia sufferers, who often won’t set foot in a circus to dare confront the clowns. But have you ever seen a passerby flinch at Frosty, amidst holiday decor? This is a fear known as hominochionophobia, and HuffPost reports that the POTUS has got the slush-crusted fever. He dished it to People–and that was his fatal mistake.
It’s okay, Barry! He just loves warm hugs!
“There’s a whole kind of Chucky element to them,” he said, with a nod–or a head-shake?–to our favorite Good Guy, mere weeks ago. “They’re a little creepy.”
“A little” was putting it mildly. He later went so far as to threaten to move when Michelle quipped that she’d place a snowman in their bedroom–if only half-jokingly.
While the FLOTUS may have been teasing, the White House staff was about to take their joke far more seriously.
They caught wind of the jolly snow family residing in the Rose Garden, neighboring the Oval Office. “Then we realized the snowmen were too heavy to easily lift,” White House photographer, Pete Souza, posted on Instagram. He exposed the yuletide prank on his profile there, in a play-by-play. “But finally, this morning before the President came to the office, some helpful staff ― I won’t say who ― moved all the snowmen so each one was peeking through a different window into the Oval. This photo was taken this afternoon as the President signed end-of-the-year bills.”
Barack was onto them. This was it. It had all come down to this: the Obama-nible snowman.
It was time to put his black belt in tae kwon do (no, seriously–look it up) to good use.
One can only imagine what happened from there. Surely, he hurtled himself through the window, delivering a swift chop to the icy bastard’s neckline. It decapitated him, leaving a lone orange scarf in his midst. Barack then performed several flips, in styles fit for an Olympian. Perhaps a roundhouse kick, direct to his portly slush gut, was the final blow, or–…or perhaps the president just doubled over in laughter. Either way, we’d like to believe that one of his final acts in office was not solely to protect himself, but his beloved nation, as well.
Merry Christmas, Obama: you live to celebrate another year.
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Movies
‘Evil Dead’ Film Franchise Getting TWO New Installments
It was a risk for Fede Alvarez to reboot Sam Raimi’s horror classic The Evil Dead in 2013, but that risk paid off and so did its spiritual sequel Evil Dead Rise in 2023. Now Deadline is reporting that the series is getting, not one, but two fresh entries.
We already knew about the Sébastien Vaniček upcoming film that delves into the Deadite universe and should be a proper sequel to the latest film, but we are broadsided that Francis Galluppi and Ghost House Pictures are doing a one-off project set in Raimi’s universe based off of an idea that Galluppi pitched to Raimi himself. That concept is being kept under wraps.
“Francis Galluppi is a storyteller who knows when to keep us waiting in simmering tension and when to hit us with explosive violence,” Raimi told Deadline. “He is a director that shows uncommon control in his feature debut.”
That feature is titled The Last Stop In Yuma County which will release theatrically in the United States on May 4. It follows a traveling salesman, “stranded at a rural Arizona rest stop,” and “is thrust into a dire hostage situation by the arrival of two bank robbers with no qualms about using cruelty-or cold, hard steel-to protect their bloodstained fortune.”
Galluppi is an award-winning sci-fi/horror shorts director whose acclaimed works include High Desert Hell and The Gemini Project. You can view the full edit of High Desert Hell and the teaser for Gemini below:
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Movies
‘Invisible Man 2’ Is “Closer Than Its Ever Been” to Happening
Elisabeth Moss in a very well-thought-out statement said in an interview for Happy Sad Confused that even though there have been some logistical issues for doing Invisible Man 2 there is hope on the horizon.
Podcast host Josh Horowitz asked about the follow-up and if Moss and director Leigh Whannell were any closer to cracking a solution to getting it made. “We are closer than we have ever been to cracking it,” said Moss with a huge grin. You can see her reaction at the 35:52 mark in the below video.
Whannell is currently in New Zealand filming another monster movie for Universal, Wolf Man, which might be the spark that ignites Universal’s troubled Dark Universe concept which hasn’t gained any momentum since Tom Cruise’s failed attempt at resurrecting The Mummy.
Also, in the podcast video, Moss says she is not in the Wolf Man film so any speculation that it’s a crossover project is left in the air.
Meanwhile, Universal Studios is in the middle of constructing a year-round haunt house in Las Vegas which will showcase some of their classic cinematic monsters. Depending on attendance, this could be the boost the studio needs to get audiences interested in their creature IPs once more and to get more films made based on them.
The Las Vegas project is set to open in 2025, coinciding with their new proper theme park in Orlando called Epic Universe.
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News
Jake Gyllenhaal’s Thriller ‘Presumed Innocent’ Series Gets Early Release Date
Jake Gyllenhaal’s limited series Presumed Innocent is dropping on AppleTV+ on June 12 instead of June 14 as originally planned. The star, whose Road House reboot has brought mixed reviews on Amazon Prime, is embracing the small screen for the first time since his appearance on Homicide: Life on the Street in 1994.
Presumed Innocent is being produced by David E. Kelley, J.J. Abrams’ Bad Robot, and Warner Bros. It is an adaptation of Scott Turow’s 1990 film in which Harrison Ford plays a lawyer doing double duty as an investigator looking for the murderer of his colleague.
These types of sexy thrillers were popular in the ’90s and usually contained twist endings. Here’s the trailer for the original:
According to Deadline, Presumed Innocent doesn’t stray far from the source material: “…the Presumed Innocent series will explore obsession, sex, politics and the power and limits of love as the accused fights to hold his family and marriage together.”
Up next for Gyllenhaal is the Guy Ritchie action movie titled In the Grey scheduled for release in January 2025.
Presumed Innocent is an eight-episode limited series set to stream on AppleTV+ starting June 12.
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