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Just Kill Me: 5 Movies You Wouldn’t Want to Survive

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survive

You may be able to tough it out with the best of the Final Girls, but would you want to survive a bloody massacre just to live with the Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder?

If you survive a bout with Freddy Krueger, every time you go to sleep you’ll just be waiting for the next round. If you can beat Jason, you may never again feel like you’re practicing safe sex. After Leatherface, you could never take the scenic route.

If I were in any one of these 5 movie situations, I think I’d rather just say no thank you, just kill me. Take me now and take me quick, because I sure as shit wouldn’t want to try and fight my way through.

Asylum Blackout (aka The Incident, 2011)

In Asylum Blackout, a massive storm causes a power outage at an asylum for the criminally insane. This unlocks all the mechanical doors (great idea, guys), trapping a small group of civilian cooks with the disturbed inmates who have stopped taking their medication. Things aren’t looking good for the guys when their only safe haven is breached and they must attempt to make their way through the asylum to find outside help. Written by S. Craig Zahler (Bone Tomahawk), the situation is perfectly terrifying. Our heroes must navigate dark, winding corridors through half-empty cell blocks while trying to avoid sadistic criminals who are only focused on causing pain. No thank you.

The Descent (2005)

Claustrophobia is bad enough, but being trapped in the deep, dark underground with an unknown number of insidious cave-dwellers and a group of your best friends with no help in sight is just too much. Those creatures could be lurking around every dark corner, and you’re hopelessly lost in an unknown tunnel system. Who knows if there even is a way out. If you even do manage to escape, you have to live with the guilt of knowing that you’ve left your friends down there to be eaten. You’d certainly never feel comfortable in the world knowing that those things exist down there. And that’s if you actually manage to find freedom.

Tusk (2014)

Being surgically transformed into a human-walrus hybrid is bad enough, but being forced to live that way is just unfathomable. Why would you ever want to survive that? No, God, no, why. That’s it, just kill me.

The Human Centipede (2009)

Speaking of horrible surgical situations that you wouldn’t want to survive, Human Centipede, amiright? Nope nope nope. I don’t think I need to go into my reasoning here, because it’s just a huge pile of hell no.

The Mist (2007)

If the tentacle monsters, acid-shooting giant spiders, and flying death bugs don’t convince you, maybe the maniacal religious fanatics will. You sure as hell wouldn’t want to be forced out into the great and misty unknown with those creatures around, but those bible thumpers might just stab you and toss you out anyways. If you do make it through, the future is bleak. Would those inter-dimensional hell beasts come back? Who knows. Have you witnessed the brutal deaths of all your friends and family? Sure thing. Would you live in constant terror with the knowledge of everything you’ve witnessed? Most definitely.

 

So, what would be on your list? What situation would make you shut down all hope? Tell us in the comments!

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Editorial

Yay or Nay: What’s Good and Bad in Horror This Week

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Horror Movies

Welcome to Yay or Nay a weekly mini post about what I think is good and bad news in the horror community written in bite-sized chunks. 

Yay:

Mike Flanagan talking about directing the next chapter in the Exorcist trilogy. That might mean he saw the last one and realized there were two left and if he does anything well it’s draw out a story. 

Yay:

To the announcement of a new IP-based film Mickey Vs Winnie. It’s fun to read comical hot takes from people who haven’t even seen the movie yet.

Nay:

The new Faces of Death reboot gets an R rating. It’s not really fair — Gen-Z should get an unrated version like past generations so they can question their mortality the same as the rest of us did. 

Yay:

Russell Crowe is doing another possession movie. He’s quickly becoming another Nic Cage by saying yes to every script, bringing the magic back to B-movies, and more money into VOD. 

Nay:

Putting The Crow back in theaters for its 30th anniversary. Re-releasing classic movies at the cinema to celebrate a milestone is perfectly fine, but doing so when the lead actor in that film was killed on set due to neglect is a cash grab of the worst kind. 

The Crow
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The Top-Searched Free Horror/Action Movies on Tubi This Week

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The free streaming service Tubi is a great place to scroll when you’re unsure what to watch. They are not sponsored or affiliated with iHorror. Still, we really appreciate their library because it’s so robust and has many obscure horror movies so rare you can’t find them anywhere in the wild except, if you’re lucky, in a moist cardboard box at a yard sale. Other than Tubi, where else are you going to find Nightwish (1990), Spookies (1986), or The Power (1984)?

We take a look at the most searched horror titles on the platform this week, hopefully, to save you some time in your endeavor to find something free to watch on Tubi.

Interestingly at the top of the list is one of the most polarizing sequels ever made, the female-led Ghostbusters reboot from 2016. Perhaps viewers have seen the latest sequel Frozen Empire and are curious about this franchise anomaly. They will be happy to know it’s not as bad as some think and is genuinely funny in spots.

So take a look at the list below and tell us if you are interested in any of them this weekend.

1. Ghostbusters (2016)

Ghostbusters (2016)

An otherworldly invasion of New York City assembles a pair of proton-packed paranormal enthusiasts, a nuclear engineer and a subway worker for battle.An otherworldly invasion of New York City assembles a pair of proton-packed paranormal enthusiasts, a nuclear engineer and a subway worker for battle.

2. Rampage

When a group of animals becomes vicious after a genetic experiment goes awry, a primatologist must find an antidote to avert a global catastrophe.

3. The Conjuring The Devil Made Me Do It

Paranormal investigators Ed and Lorraine Warren uncover an occult conspiracy as they help a defendant argue that a demon forced him to commit murder.

4. Terrifier 2

After being resurrected by a sinister entity, Art the Clown returns to Miles County, where his next victims, a teenage girl and her brother, await.

5. Don’t Breathe

A group of teens breaks into a blind man’s home, thinking they’ll get away with the perfect crime but get more than they bargained for once inside.

6. The Conjuring 2

In one of their most terrifying paranormal investigations, Lorraine and Ed Warren help a single mother of four in a house plagued by sinister spirits.

7. Child’s Play (1988)

A dying serial killer uses voodoo to transfer his soul into a Chucky doll which winds up in the hands of a boy who may be the doll’s next victim.

8. Jeepers Creepers 2

When their bus breaks down on a deserted road, a team of high school athletes discovers an opponent they cannot defeat and may not survive.

9. Jeepers Creepers

After making a horrific discovery in the basement of an old church, a pair of siblings find themselves the chosen prey of an indestructible force.

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Morticia & Wednesday Addams Join Monster High Skullector Series

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Believe it or not, Mattel’s Monster High doll brand has an immense following with both young and not-so-young collectors. 

In that same vein, the fan base for The Addams Family is also very large. Now, the two are collaborating to create a line of collectible dolls that celebrate both worlds and what they have created is a combination of fashion dolls and goth fantasy. Forget Barbie, these ladies know who they are.

The dolls are based on Morticia and Wednesday Addams from the 2019 Addams Family animated movie. 

As with any niche collectibles these aren’t cheap they bring with them a $90 price tag, but it’s an investment as a lot of these toys become more valuable over time. 

“There goes the neighborhood. Meet the Addams Family’s ghoulishly glamorous mother-daughter duo with a Monster High twist. Inspired by the animated movie and clad in spiderweb lace and skull prints, the Morticia and Wednesday Addams Skullector doll two-pack makes for a gift that’s so macabre, it’s downright pathological.”

If you want to pre-purchase this set check out The Monster High website.

Wednesday Addams Skullector doll
Wednesday Addams Skullector doll
Footwear for Wednesday Addams Skullector doll
Morticia Addams Skullector doll
Morticia Addams doll shoes
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