News
Just Kill Me: 5 Movies You Wouldn’t Want to Survive
You may be able to tough it out with the best of the Final Girls, but would you want to survive a bloody massacre just to live with the Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder?
If you survive a bout with Freddy Krueger, every time you go to sleep you’ll just be waiting for the next round. If you can beat Jason, you may never again feel like you’re practicing safe sex. After Leatherface, you could never take the scenic route.
If I were in any one of these 5 movie situations, I think I’d rather just say no thank you, just kill me. Take me now and take me quick, because I sure as shit wouldn’t want to try and fight my way through.
Asylum Blackout (aka The Incident, 2011)
In Asylum Blackout, a massive storm causes a power outage at an asylum for the criminally insane. This unlocks all the mechanical doors (great idea, guys), trapping a small group of civilian cooks with the disturbed inmates who have stopped taking their medication. Things aren’t looking good for the guys when their only safe haven is breached and they must attempt to make their way through the asylum to find outside help. Written by S. Craig Zahler (Bone Tomahawk), the situation is perfectly terrifying. Our heroes must navigate dark, winding corridors through half-empty cell blocks while trying to avoid sadistic criminals who are only focused on causing pain. No thank you.
The Descent (2005)
Claustrophobia is bad enough, but being trapped in the deep, dark underground with an unknown number of insidious cave-dwellers and a group of your best friends with no help in sight is just too much. Those creatures could be lurking around every dark corner, and you’re hopelessly lost in an unknown tunnel system. Who knows if there even is a way out. If you even do manage to escape, you have to live with the guilt of knowing that you’ve left your friends down there to be eaten. You’d certainly never feel comfortable in the world knowing that those things exist down there. And that’s if you actually manage to find freedom.
Tusk (2014)
Being surgically transformed into a human-walrus hybrid is bad enough, but being forced to live that way is just unfathomable. Why would you ever want to survive that? No, God, no, why. That’s it, just kill me.
The Human Centipede (2009)
Speaking of horrible surgical situations that you wouldn’t want to survive, Human Centipede, amiright? Nope nope nope. I don’t think I need to go into my reasoning here, because it’s just a huge pile of hell no.
The Mist (2007)
If the tentacle monsters, acid-shooting giant spiders, and flying death bugs don’t convince you, maybe the maniacal religious fanatics will. You sure as hell wouldn’t want to be forced out into the great and misty unknown with those creatures around, but those bible thumpers might just stab you and toss you out anyways. If you do make it through, the future is bleak. Would those inter-dimensional hell beasts come back? Who knows. Have you witnessed the brutal deaths of all your friends and family? Sure thing. Would you live in constant terror with the knowledge of everything you’ve witnessed? Most definitely.
So, what would be on your list? What situation would make you shut down all hope? Tell us in the comments!
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Movies
Trailer for ‘The Exorcism’ Has Russell Crowe Possessed
The latest exorcism movie is about to drop this summer. It’s aptly titled The Exorcism and it stars Academy Award winner turned B-movie savant Russell Crowe. The trailer dropped today and by the looks of it, we are getting a possession movie that takes place on a movie set.
Just like this year’s recent demon-in-media-space film Late Night With the Devil, The Exorcism happens during a production. Although the former takes place on a live network talk show, the latter is on an active sound stage. Hopefully, it won’t be entirely serious and we’ll get some meta chuckles out of it.
The film will open in theaters on June 7, but since Shudder also acquired it, it probably won’t be long after that until it finds a home on the streaming service.
Crowe plays, “Anthony Miller, a troubled actor who begins to unravel while shooting a supernatural horror film. His estranged daughter, Lee (Ryan Simpkins), wonders if he’s slipping back into his past addictions or if there’s something more sinister at play. The film also stars Sam Worthington, Chloe Bailey, Adam Goldberg and David Hyde Pierce.”
Crowe did see some success in last year’s The Pope’s Exorcist mostly because his character was so over-the-top and infused with such comical hubris it bordered on parody. We will see if that is the route actor-turned-director Joshua John Miller takes with The Exorcism.
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News
Win a Stay at The Lizzie Borden House From Spirit Halloween
Spirit Halloween has declared that this week marks the start of spooky season and to celebrate they are offering fans a chance to stay at the Lizzie Borden House with so many perks Lizzie herself would approve.
The Lizzie Borden House in Fall River, MA is claimed to be one of the most haunted houses in America. Of course one lucky winner and up to 12 of their friends will find out if the rumors are true if they win the grand prize: A private stay in the notorious house.
“We are delighted to work with Spirit Halloween to roll out the red carpet and offer the public a chance to win a one-of-a-kind experience at the infamous Lizzie Borden House, which also includes additional haunted experiences and merchandise,” said Lance Zaal, President & Founder of US Ghost Adventures.
Fans can enter to win by following Spirit Halloween‘s Instagram and leaving a comment on the contest post from now through April 28.
The prize also includes:
An exclusive guided house tour, including insider insight around the murder, the trial, and commonly reported hauntings
A late-night ghost tour, complete with professional ghost-hunting gear
A private breakfast in the Borden family dining room
A ghost hunting starter kit with two pieces of Ghost Daddy Ghost Hunting Gear and a lesson for two at US Ghost Adventures Ghost Hunting Course
The ultimate Lizzie Borden gift package, featuring an official hatchet, the Lizzie Borden board game, Lily the Haunted Doll, and America’s Most Haunted Volume II
Winner’s choice of a Ghost Tour experience in Salem or a True Crime experience in Boston for two
“Our Halfway to Halloween celebration provides fans an exhilarating taste of what’s to come this fall and empowers them to start planning for their favorite season as early as they please,” said Steven Silverstein, CEO of Spirit Halloween. “We have cultivated an incredible following of enthusiasts who embody the Halloween lifestyle, and we’re thrilled to bring the fun back to life.”
Spirit Halloween is also preparing for their retail haunted houses. On Thursday, August 1 their flagship store in Egg Harbor Township, NJ. will officially open to start off the season. That event usually draws in hordes of people eager to see what new merch, animatronics, and exclusive IP goods will be trending this year.
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Movies
’28 Years Later’ Trilogy Taking Shape With Serious Star Power
Danny Boyle is revisiting his 28 Days Later universe with three new films. He will direct the first, 28 Years Later, with two more to follow. Deadline is reporting that sources say Jodie Comer, Aaron Taylor-Johnson, and Ralph Fiennes have been cast for the first entry, a sequel to the original. Details are being kept under wraps so we don’t know how or if the first original sequel 28 Weeks Later fits into the project.
Boyle will direct the first movie but it’s unclear which role he will take on in the subsequent films. What is known is Candyman (2021) director Nia DaCosta is scheduled to direct the second film in this trilogy and that the third will be filmed immediately afterward. Whether DaCosta will direct both is still unclear.
Alex Garland is writing the scripts. Garland is having a successful time at the box office right now. He wrote and directed the current action/thriller Civil War which was just knocked out of the theatrical top spot by Radio Silence’s Abigail.
There is no word yet on when, or where, 28 Years Later will start production.
The original film followed Jim (Cillian Murphy) who wakes from a coma to find that London is currently dealing with a zombie outbreak.
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