News

13 Eerie, and Sometimes Hilarious, Epitaphs on Real Tombstones

Published

5 years ago

May 3, 2019

An epitaph is an interesting thing. The final words one chooses to memorialize a loved one, or even themselves as the case may be, on a grave marker or tombstone range from messages of hope to laugh out loud humorous to downright creepy.

Some of these have become so famous for their eerie or strange sentiments that they’ve worked their way into the collective unconscious.

Anyone ever heard some variation of this one?

“Remember me as you pass by. As you are now, so once was I. As I am now, so you shall be. Prepare for death and follow me.”

This particular epitaph has been used since the mid-17th century and though many have searched, without success, to find its exact origins, its particular sentiments have haunted cemetery visitors for centuries.

Death, after all, is inevitable.

With that verse in mind, I decided to put together a list of those epitaphs that stuck out most to me in my research. Some are humorous, some eerie, and some just might haunt you for years to come.

#1 The Bard’s Final Admonition

It is believed, though not confirmed, that William Shakespeare wrote the quatrain carved in stone atop his grave in TrinityChurch on the banks of the Avon in England. It certainly sounds like something the Bard would pen, and unfortunately, his apparent fears were correct.

According to the Hudson Review, Shakespeare’s bones no longer lie beneath the stone in TrinityChurch. Few were ever given permanent tenure there, but in Shakespeare’s case it is not known whether pesky grave robbers stole the man’s body or if the Avon’s flooding eventually washed them away.

Whatever the case, his final words are haunting:

“GOOD FREND FOR IESVS SAKE FORBEARE
TO DIGG THE DVST ENCLOASED HEARE
BLESTe BE Ye MAN Yt SPARES THES STONES
AND CVRST BE HE Yt MOVES MY BONES”

Shakespeare Epitaph

#2 Killed by the Beast

One of the strangest epitaphs I’ve ever seen came from the gravestone of Lilly E. Gray. Along with her name, birth and death dates, Lilly’s epitaph reads: “Killed by the Beast 666.”

For years, many thought this had something to do with Satan and Demons, but as it turns out, Lilly’s husband Elmer was a rather paranoid conspiracy theorist who blamed the government for many things over the span of his lifetime. He was even sure that they had something to do with his wife’s death.

It is entirely possible that he was referring to the government, then, when he chose the final words for his wife’s grave. It’s also interesting to note that he refused to be buried alongside her.

Photo by Noel Fields

#3 Specimens

The State of Ohio Asylum for the Insane Cemetery is an inactive cemetery located among a group of formerly used government buildings in Franklin County, Ohio.

The cemetery was used predominantly for indigent patients of the hospital whose family did not claim them upon death. While this is sad enough in itself, what’s more troubling is that only about one quarter of the cemetery’s headstones contain names. Many are merely marked with an “M” or “F” followed by a number to denote the gender of the patient buried there and the corresponding chronological order of their deaths.

And then there’s a stone marked simply “Specimens.” In a sea of anonymous death, this is particularly disturbing as no one has ever disturbed the ground to determine who or what is buried there.

Human remains? Organs? Tissue samples? Or something even darker? We don’t know, but that headstone is certainly creepy in its anonymity and its verbiage.

Epitaphs specimens

#4 The Product Complaint

Some people, upon death, choose to leave words of wisdom or humor for those who pass by.

The family of Ellen Shannon, however, took the opportunity to leave a little passive aggressive customer feedback on her tombstone.

Shannon was born in Ireland and as a young wife, moved with her husband to Pennsylvania according to Theresa’s Haunted History of the Tri-State.

Found in Girard Cemetery in Erie County, PA, Ellen’s epitaph reads: In Memory of Ellen Shannon Age 26 years who was fatally burned March 21, 1870 by the explosion of a lamp filled with R.E. Danforth’s Non-Explosive Burning Fluid.

She wasn’t the only victim of Danforth’s product, but as far as I can find, hers was the only headstone who chose to point it out!

Epitaph Ellen Shannon

#5 The Angel of Death

The headstone of textile manufacture Joseph Llaudet Soler in the Poblenou Cemetery in Barcelona is almost as unsettling as his epitaph which reads:

“The blood in his veins grows cold. And all strength has gone. Faith has been extolled by his fall into the arms of death. Amen.”

Epitaphs Soler

#6 Beyond coincidence?

Found on a grave marker in Whitby, this particular epitaph tells the story of Francis and Mary Huntroods.

They were both born on the same day in 1600, were married on their birthday, had 12 children together and died on their shared birthday within five hours having just turned 80.

It’s the final two lines of their epitaphs that are most striking, however. “So fit a match, surely never could be; both in their lives, and in their deaths agree.”

Photo from Sharenator

#7 A sweet treat

Many have seen this particular epitaph over the years online with the accompanying line, “You’ll get my cookie recipe over my dead body.”

The truth is much sweeter, however.

When Maxine Menster died, her daughter and husband were trying to think of the perfect way to remember their woman who had impacted both of their lives and at the same time memorialize her generosity.

Her daughter finally decided the best way to remember the generous and giving spirit of her mom was to share her famous Christmas Cookie recipe with anyone who happened up her grave.

Epitaph Cookie

#8 Mel Blanc

Mel Blanc voiced 1000s of characters in his career with Warner Bros. cartoons.

He brought to life Bugs Bunny, Foghorn Leghorn, Sylvester the Cat, Wile E. Coyote, and so many more making his work universally recognizable while the man himself might not be.

His epitaph reflects the “Man of 1000 voices” with the simple “That’s All Folks!”

Epitaphs Mel

#9 One last insult

I thought this was a joke when I first came across this particular stone, but upon researching I found that John McCaffrey’s tombstone in Notre-Dame-Des-Neiges Cemetery in Montreal, does indeed throw a middle finger at passersby.

I’m not sure if it was meant to be funny or if this guy was just particularly ornery, but his epitaph definitely sticks out once the acrostic is revealed.

Photo via Flickr

#10 A practical outlook

I like to think that Edith Christine “Tina” Barlow was the practical sort who had a healthy outlook on life and death.

Her headstone in the Forest City Cemetery in South Portland, Maine certainly seems to point to that.

Photo via FindAGrave.com

#11 Find the lie

Francis Eileen Diedrich Thatcher only really had one thing to say about being dead, and we’re pretty sure she knows what she’s talking about.

Fran is interred at the Prairie Mound Cemetery in Oregon, Wisconsin.

Photo via FindAGrave.com

#12 Direct Communication

The life of Elijah Bond was, indeed, fascinating. Among other things he did in his life, he was the first person to patent the Ouija board as a mass marketed “game.”

Despite the board’s popularity, Bond disappeared into the obscurity of history and upon his death was interred in an unmarked grave. It stayed that way until about 12 years ago when paranormal research and spirit board collector Robert Murch was finally able to locate Bond’s burial site.

He set to work designing the perfect headstone for Bond and after taking in donations and fundraising, Murch erected a large headstone with a full Ouija board carved into its face.

Creepy? Yes…though I suppose it does make sense. One has to wonder if Bond is the talkative sort, now.

Epitaph Ouija

#13 A horrible end

Martha Jane “Mary” McCune is buried in Cedar City Cemetery in Cedar City, Utah, and her epitaph recounts the final days of her life like something out of a horror movie.

It seems that Mary, who was pregnant at the time, was attacked by a rabid coyote. She began to show symptoms of the disease herself within a month, and well, you can read the rest right on her headstone.

Epitaph Martha

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Related Topics:cemetery Epitaphs Waylon Jordan

Lists

The Top-Searched Free Horror/Action Movies on Tubi This Week

Published

7 hours ago

May 3, 2024

Timothy Rawles

The free streaming service Tubi is a great place to scroll when you’re unsure what to watch. They are not sponsored or affiliated with iHorror. Still, we really appreciate their library because it’s so robust and has many obscure horror movies so rare you can’t find them anywhere in the wild except, if you’re lucky, in a moist cardboard box at a yard sale. Other than Tubi, where else are you going to find Nightwish (1990), Spookies (1986), or The Power (1984)?

We take a look at the most searched horror titles on the platform this week, hopefully, to save you some time in your endeavor to find something free to watch on Tubi.

Interestingly at the top of the list is one of the most polarizing sequels ever made, the female-led Ghostbusters reboot from 2016. Perhaps viewers have seen the latest sequel Frozen Empire and are curious about this franchise anomaly. They will be happy to know it’s not as bad as some think and is genuinely funny in spots.

So take a look at the list below and tell us if you are interested in any of them this weekend.

1. Ghostbusters (2016)

Ghostbusters (2016)

An otherworldly invasion of New York City assembles a pair of proton-packed paranormal enthusiasts, a nuclear engineer and a subway worker for battle.An otherworldly invasion of New York City assembles a pair of proton-packed paranormal enthusiasts, a nuclear engineer and a subway worker for battle.

2. Rampage

When a group of animals becomes vicious after a genetic experiment goes awry, a primatologist must find an antidote to avert a global catastrophe.

3. The Conjuring The Devil Made Me Do It

Paranormal investigators Ed and Lorraine Warren uncover an occult conspiracy as they help a defendant argue that a demon forced him to commit murder.

4. Terrifier 2

After being resurrected by a sinister entity, Art the Clown returns to Miles County, where his next victims, a teenage girl and her brother, await.

5. Don’t Breathe

A group of teens breaks into a blind man’s home, thinking they’ll get away with the perfect crime but get more than they bargained for once inside.

6. The Conjuring 2

In one of their most terrifying paranormal investigations, Lorraine and Ed Warren help a single mother of four in a house plagued by sinister spirits.

7. Child’s Play (1988)

A dying serial killer uses voodoo to transfer his soul into a Chucky doll which winds up in the hands of a boy who may be the doll’s next victim.

8. Jeepers Creepers 2

When their bus breaks down on a deserted road, a team of high school athletes discovers an opponent they cannot defeat and may not survive.

9. Jeepers Creepers

After making a horrific discovery in the basement of an old church, a pair of siblings find themselves the chosen prey of an indestructible force.

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News

Morticia & Wednesday Addams Join Monster High Skullector Series

Published

10 hours ago

May 3, 2024

Timothy Rawles

Believe it or not, Mattel’s Monster High doll brand has an immense following with both young and not-so-young collectors.

In that same vein, the fan base for The Addams Family is also very large. Now, the two are collaborating to create a line of collectible dolls that celebrate both worlds and what they have created is a combination of fashion dolls and goth fantasy. Forget Barbie, these ladies know who they are.

The dolls are based on Morticia and Wednesday Addams from the 2019 Addams Family animated movie.

As with any niche collectibles these aren’t cheap they bring with them a $90 price tag, but it’s an investment as a lot of these toys become more valuable over time.

“There goes the neighborhood. Meet the Addams Family’s ghoulishly glamorous mother-daughter duo with a Monster High twist. Inspired by the animated movie and clad in spiderweb lace and skull prints, the Morticia and Wednesday Addams Skullector doll two-pack makes for a gift that’s so macabre, it’s downright pathological.”

If you want to pre-purchase this set check out The Monster High website.

^{Footwear for Wednesday Addams Skullector doll}

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News

1994’s ‘The Crow’ Coming Back to Theaters for A New Special Engagement

Published

13 hours ago

May 3, 2024

Cameron McFarland

Cinemark recently announced that they will be bringing The Crow back from the dead once again. This announcement comes just in time for the film’s 30th anniversary. Cinemark will be playing The Crow in select theaters on May 29th and 30th.

For those unaware, The Crow is a fantastic film based on the gritty graphic novel by James O’Barr. Widely considered one of the best films of the 90s, The Crow’s lifespan was cut short when Brandon Lee died of an accidental on set shooting.

The official synapsis of the film is as follows. “The modern-gothic original that entranced audiences and critics alike, The Crow tells the tale of a young musician brutally murdered alongside his beloved fiancée, only to be risen from the grave by a mysterious crow. Seeking revenge, he battles a criminal underground that must answer for its crimes. Adapted from the comic book saga of the same name, this action-packed thriller from director Alex Proyas (Dark City) features hypnotic style, dazzling visuals, and a soulful performance by the late Brandon Lee.”

The timing of this release couldn’t be better. As a new generation of fans eagerly awaits the release of The Crow remake, they can now see the classic film in all of its glory. As much as we love Bill Skarsgard (IT), there is something timeless in Brandon Lee’s performance in the film.

This theatrical release is part of the Scream Greats series. This is a collaboration between Paramount Scares and Fangoria to bring audiences some of the best classic horror films. So far, they are doing a fantastic job.

That’s all the information we have at this time. Make sure to check back here for more news and updates.