News

13 Eerie, and Sometimes Hilarious, Epitaphs on Real Tombstones

Published

5 years ago

May 3, 2019

An epitaph is an interesting thing. The final words one chooses to memorialize a loved one, or even themselves as the case may be, on a grave marker or tombstone range from messages of hope to laugh out loud humorous to downright creepy.

Some of these have become so famous for their eerie or strange sentiments that they’ve worked their way into the collective unconscious.

Anyone ever heard some variation of this one?

“Remember me as you pass by. As you are now, so once was I. As I am now, so you shall be. Prepare for death and follow me.”

This particular epitaph has been used since the mid-17th century and though many have searched, without success, to find its exact origins, its particular sentiments have haunted cemetery visitors for centuries.

Death, after all, is inevitable.

With that verse in mind, I decided to put together a list of those epitaphs that stuck out most to me in my research. Some are humorous, some eerie, and some just might haunt you for years to come.

#1 The Bard’s Final Admonition

It is believed, though not confirmed, that William Shakespeare wrote the quatrain carved in stone atop his grave in TrinityChurch on the banks of the Avon in England. It certainly sounds like something the Bard would pen, and unfortunately, his apparent fears were correct.

According to the Hudson Review, Shakespeare’s bones no longer lie beneath the stone in TrinityChurch. Few were ever given permanent tenure there, but in Shakespeare’s case it is not known whether pesky grave robbers stole the man’s body or if the Avon’s flooding eventually washed them away.

Whatever the case, his final words are haunting:

“GOOD FREND FOR IESVS SAKE FORBEARE
TO DIGG THE DVST ENCLOASED HEARE
BLESTe BE Ye MAN Yt SPARES THES STONES
AND CVRST BE HE Yt MOVES MY BONES”

Shakespeare Epitaph

#2 Killed by the Beast

One of the strangest epitaphs I’ve ever seen came from the gravestone of Lilly E. Gray. Along with her name, birth and death dates, Lilly’s epitaph reads: “Killed by the Beast 666.”

For years, many thought this had something to do with Satan and Demons, but as it turns out, Lilly’s husband Elmer was a rather paranoid conspiracy theorist who blamed the government for many things over the span of his lifetime. He was even sure that they had something to do with his wife’s death.

It is entirely possible that he was referring to the government, then, when he chose the final words for his wife’s grave. It’s also interesting to note that he refused to be buried alongside her.

Photo by Noel Fields

#3 Specimens

The State of Ohio Asylum for the Insane Cemetery is an inactive cemetery located among a group of formerly used government buildings in Franklin County, Ohio.

The cemetery was used predominantly for indigent patients of the hospital whose family did not claim them upon death. While this is sad enough in itself, what’s more troubling is that only about one quarter of the cemetery’s headstones contain names. Many are merely marked with an “M” or “F” followed by a number to denote the gender of the patient buried there and the corresponding chronological order of their deaths.

And then there’s a stone marked simply “Specimens.” In a sea of anonymous death, this is particularly disturbing as no one has ever disturbed the ground to determine who or what is buried there.

Human remains? Organs? Tissue samples? Or something even darker? We don’t know, but that headstone is certainly creepy in its anonymity and its verbiage.

Epitaphs specimens

#4 The Product Complaint

Some people, upon death, choose to leave words of wisdom or humor for those who pass by.

The family of Ellen Shannon, however, took the opportunity to leave a little passive aggressive customer feedback on her tombstone.

Shannon was born in Ireland and as a young wife, moved with her husband to Pennsylvania according to Theresa’s Haunted History of the Tri-State.

Found in Girard Cemetery in Erie County, PA, Ellen’s epitaph reads: In Memory of Ellen Shannon Age 26 years who was fatally burned March 21, 1870 by the explosion of a lamp filled with R.E. Danforth’s Non-Explosive Burning Fluid.

She wasn’t the only victim of Danforth’s product, but as far as I can find, hers was the only headstone who chose to point it out!

Epitaph Ellen Shannon

#5 The Angel of Death

The headstone of textile manufacture Joseph Llaudet Soler in the Poblenou Cemetery in Barcelona is almost as unsettling as his epitaph which reads:

“The blood in his veins grows cold. And all strength has gone. Faith has been extolled by his fall into the arms of death. Amen.”

Epitaphs Soler

#6 Beyond coincidence?

Found on a grave marker in Whitby, this particular epitaph tells the story of Francis and Mary Huntroods.

They were both born on the same day in 1600, were married on their birthday, had 12 children together and died on their shared birthday within five hours having just turned 80.

It’s the final two lines of their epitaphs that are most striking, however. “So fit a match, surely never could be; both in their lives, and in their deaths agree.”

Photo from Sharenator

#7 A sweet treat

Many have seen this particular epitaph over the years online with the accompanying line, “You’ll get my cookie recipe over my dead body.”

The truth is much sweeter, however.

When Maxine Menster died, her daughter and husband were trying to think of the perfect way to remember their woman who had impacted both of their lives and at the same time memorialize her generosity.

Her daughter finally decided the best way to remember the generous and giving spirit of her mom was to share her famous Christmas Cookie recipe with anyone who happened up her grave.

Epitaph Cookie

#8 Mel Blanc

Mel Blanc voiced 1000s of characters in his career with Warner Bros. cartoons.

He brought to life Bugs Bunny, Foghorn Leghorn, Sylvester the Cat, Wile E. Coyote, and so many more making his work universally recognizable while the man himself might not be.

His epitaph reflects the “Man of 1000 voices” with the simple “That’s All Folks!”

Epitaphs Mel

#9 One last insult

I thought this was a joke when I first came across this particular stone, but upon researching I found that John McCaffrey’s tombstone in Notre-Dame-Des-Neiges Cemetery in Montreal, does indeed throw a middle finger at passersby.

I’m not sure if it was meant to be funny or if this guy was just particularly ornery, but his epitaph definitely sticks out once the acrostic is revealed.

Photo via Flickr

#10 A practical outlook

I like to think that Edith Christine “Tina” Barlow was the practical sort who had a healthy outlook on life and death.

Her headstone in the Forest City Cemetery in South Portland, Maine certainly seems to point to that.

Photo via FindAGrave.com

#11 Find the lie

Francis Eileen Diedrich Thatcher only really had one thing to say about being dead, and we’re pretty sure she knows what she’s talking about.

Fran is interred at the Prairie Mound Cemetery in Oregon, Wisconsin.

Photo via FindAGrave.com

#12 Direct Communication

The life of Elijah Bond was, indeed, fascinating. Among other things he did in his life, he was the first person to patent the Ouija board as a mass marketed “game.”

Despite the board’s popularity, Bond disappeared into the obscurity of history and upon his death was interred in an unmarked grave. It stayed that way until about 12 years ago when paranormal research and spirit board collector Robert Murch was finally able to locate Bond’s burial site.

He set to work designing the perfect headstone for Bond and after taking in donations and fundraising, Murch erected a large headstone with a full Ouija board carved into its face.

Creepy? Yes…though I suppose it does make sense. One has to wonder if Bond is the talkative sort, now.

Epitaph Ouija

#13 A horrible end

Martha Jane “Mary” McCune is buried in Cedar City Cemetery in Cedar City, Utah, and her epitaph recounts the final days of her life like something out of a horror movie.

It seems that Mary, who was pregnant at the time, was attacked by a rabid coyote. She began to show symptoms of the disease herself within a month, and well, you can read the rest right on her headstone.

Epitaph Martha

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Related Topics:cemetery Epitaphs Waylon Jordan

News

Brad Dourif Says He’s Retiring Except For One Important Role

Published

17 hours ago

April 19, 2024

Timothy Rawles

Brad Dourif has been doing movies for nearly 50 years. Now it seems he is walking away from the industry at 74 to enjoy his golden years. Except, there is a caveat.

Recently, digital entertainment publication JoBlo’s Tyler Nichols talked to some of the Chucky television series cast members. During the interview, Dourif made an announcement.

“Dourif said that he’s retired from acting,” says Nichols. “The only reason he came back for the show was because of his daughter Fiona and he considers Chucky creator Don Mancini to be family. But for non-Chucky stuff, he considers himself retired.”

Dourif has voiced the possessed doll since 1988 (minus the 2019 reboot). The original movie “Child’s Play” has become such a cult classic it’s at the top of some people’s best chillers of all time. Chucky himself is ingrained in pop culture history much like Frankenstein or Jason Voorhees.

While Dourif may be known for his famous voiceover, he is also an Oscar-nominated actor for his part in One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. Another famous horror role is The Gemini Killer in William Peter Blatty’s Exorcist III. And who can forget Betazoid Lon Suder in Star Trek: Voyager?

The good news is that Don Mancini is already pitching a concept for season four of Chucky which might also include a feature-length movie with a series tie-in. So, Although Dourif says he is retiring from the industry, ironically he is Chucky’s friend till the end.

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Editorial

7 Great ‘Scream’ Fan Films & Shorts Worth a Watch

Published

19 hours ago

April 19, 2024

Timothy Rawles

The Scream franchise is such an iconic series, that many budding filmmakers take inspiration from it and make their own sequels or, at least, build upon the original universe created by screenwriter Kevin Williamson. YouTube is the perfect medium to showcase these talents (and budgets) with fan-made homages with their own personal twists.

The great thing about Ghostface is that he can appear anywhere, in any town, he just needs the signature mask, knife, and unhinged motive. Thanks to Fair Use laws it’s possible to expand upon Wes Craven’s creation by simply getting a group of young adults together and killing them off one by one. Oh, and don’t forget the twist. You’ll notice that Roger Jackson’s famous Ghostface voice is uncanny valley, but you get the gist.

We have gathered five fan films/shorts related to Scream that we thought were pretty good. Although they can’t possibly match the beats of a $33 million blockbuster, they get by on what they have. But who needs money? If you’re talented and motivated anything is possible as proven by these filmmakers who are well on their way to the big leagues.

Take a look at the below films and let us know what you think. And while you’re at it, leave these young filmmakers a thumbs up, or leave them a comment to encourage them to create more films. Besides, where else are you going to see Ghostface vs. a Katana all set to a hip-hop soundtrack?

Scream Live (2023)

Scream Live

Ghostface (2021)

Ghostface

Ghost Face (2023)

Ghost Face

Don’t Scream (2022)

Don’t Scream

Scream: A Fan Film (2023)

Scream: A Fan Film

The Scream (2023)

The Scream

A Scream Fan Film (2023)

A Scream Fan Film

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Movies

Another Creepy Spider Movie Hits Shudder This Month

Published

2 days ago

April 18, 2024

Timothy Rawles

Good spider films are a theme this year. First, we had Sting and then there was Infested. The former is still in theaters and the latter is coming to Shudder starting April 26.

Infested has been getting some good reviews. People are saying that it’s not only a great creature feature but also a social commentary on racism in France.

According to IMDb: Writer/director Sébastien Vanicek was looking for ideas around the discrimination faced by black and Arab-looking people in France, and that led him to spiders, which are rarely welcome in homes; whenever they’re spotted, they’re swatted. As everyone in the story (people and spiders) is treated like vermin by society, the title came to him naturally.

Shudder has become the gold standard for streaming horror content. Since 2016, the service has been offering fans an expansive library of genre movies. in 2017, they began to stream exclusive content.

Since then Shudder has become a powerhouse in the film festival circuit, buying distribution rights to movies, or just producing some of their own. Just like Netflix, they give a film a short theatrical run before adding it to their library exclusively for subscribers.

Late Night With the Devil is a great example. It was released theatrically on March 22 and will begin streaming on the platform starting April 19.

While not getting the same buzz as Late Night, Infested is a festival favorite and many have said if you suffer from arachnophobia, you might want to take heed before watching it.

^Infested

According to the synopsis, our main character, Kalib is turning 30 and dealing with some family issues. “He’s fighting with his sister over an inheritance and has cut ties with his best friend. Fascinated by exotic animals, he finds a venomous spider in a shop and brings it back to his apartment. It only takes a moment for the spider to escape and reproduce, turning the whole building into a dreadful web trap. The only option for Kaleb and his friends is to find a way out and survive.”

The film will be available to watch on Shudder starting April 26.

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