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Patrick Wilson is Enough for a Straight Man to Rethink his Orientation

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I love two things above all else, horror movies and baseball. Now, with that in mind, it’s rare for the two to come together unless we’re talkin’ bat as weapon (Negan, I’m looking in your direction), but this isn’t about Lucille. No, it’s about Patrick Wilson. And my man-crush on him. Yeah, I said it.

Can you blame me?

The dude has not only played the lead in fantastic franchises like The Conjuring and Insidious, but he’s also an award-winning stage actor, deftly weaves between drama, action and comedy, and is just as convincing whether he’s charged with being frightened or the performer doing the frightening.

Wilson charmed our asses off as Ed Warren in The Conjuring films (to say nothing of leading the league in courageousness), and one glance at Wilson’s subdued Josh Lambert as he scanned his son’s artwork to discover that not only was the Further a real place, but that he’d found the motivation to conquer his fear was all it took for me to nod at the understanding that, I kind of adore that guy.

Did I mention that he can carry a tune?

Image credit: YouTube.com

Wilson’s rendition of “Can’t Help Falling in Love” from The Conjuring 2 not only calmed the nerves of the Hodgson kids, but also reminded Lorraine (Vera Farmiga) why she was the luckiest woman alive. And let’s allude back to the title and be honest about it, any straight man who says he didn’t at least ponder his orientation during that scene is just a liar. It’s science.

In any event, nearly six years before The Conjuring’s sequel, Wilson took center stage at the 2010 American League Championship Series between the Texas Rangers and New York Yankees to sing “God Bless America” during the seventh-inning stretch of Game 4 at Yankee Stadium in the Bronx.

Now before anyone points out the obvious, The Conjuring and Insidious had not yet hit theatres, so it was more off of The A-Team and Watchmen, but my response now would be the same as it was then — “You gotta be shittin’ me.”

Horror and baseball. Patrick Wilson. No choice but to love it. Oh, and not for nothin’, but looks, chops, charm and that voice? It’s almost embarrassing that one man should have so much.

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The Tall Man Funko Pop! Is a Reminder of the Late Angus Scrimm

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Phantasm tall man Funko pop

The Funko Pop! brand of figurines is finally paying homage to one of the scariest horror movie villains of all time, The Tall Man from Phantasm. According to Bloody Disgusting the toy was previewed by Funko this week.

The creepy otherworldly protagonist was played by the late Angus Scrimm who passed away in 2016. He was a journalist and B-movie actor who became a horror movie icon in 1979 for his role as the mysterious funeral home owner known as The Tall Man. The Pop! also includes the bloodsucking flying silver orb The Tall Man used as a weapon against trespassers.

Phantasm

He also spoke one of the most iconic lines in independent horror, “Boooy! You play a good game, boy, but the game is finished. Now you die!”

There is no word on when this figurine will be released or when preorders will go on sale, but it’s nice to see this horror icon remembered in vinyl.

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Director of ‘The Loved Ones’ Next Film is a Shark/Serial Killer Movie

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The director of The Loved Ones and The Devil’s Candy is going nautical for his next horror film. Variety is reporting that Sean Byrne is gearing up to make a shark movie but with a twist.

This film titled Dangerous Animals, takes place on a boat where a woman named Zephyr (Hassie Harrison), according to Variety, is “Held captive on his boat, she must figure out how to escape before he carries out a ritualistic feeding to the sharks below. The only person who realizes she is missing is new love interest Moses (Hueston), who goes looking for Zephyr, only to be caught by the deranged murderer as well.”

Nick Lepard writes it, and filming will begin on the Australian Gold Coast on May 7.

Dangerous Animals will get a spot at Cannes according to David Garrett from Mister Smith Entertainment. He says, “‘Dangerous Animals’ is a super-intense and gripping story of survival, in the face of an unimaginably malevolent predator. In a clever melding of the serial killer and shark movie genres, it makes the shark look like the nice guy,”

Shark movies will probably always be a mainstay in the horror genre. None have ever really succeeded in the level of scariness reached by Jaws, but since Byrne uses a lot of body horror and intriguing images in his works Dangerous Animals might be an exception.

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PG-13 Rated ‘Tarot’ Underperforms at the Box Office

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Tarot starts off the summer horror box office season with a whimper. Scary movies like these are usually a fall offering so why Sony decided to make Tarot a summer contender is questionable. Since Sony uses Netflix as their VOD platform now maybe people are waiting to stream it for free even though both critic and audience scores were very low, a death sentence to a theatrical release. 

Although it was a fast death — the movie brought in $6.5 million domestically and an additional $3.7 million globally, enough to recoup its budget — word of mouth might have been enough to convince moviegoers to make their popcorn at home for this one. 

Tarot

Another factor in its demise might be its MPAA rating; PG-13. Moderate fans of horror can handle fare that falls under this rating, but hardcore viewers who fuel the box office in this genre, prefer an R. Anything less rarely does well unless James Wan is at the helm or that infrequent occurrence like The Ring. It might be because the PG-13 viewer will wait for streaming while an R generates enough interest to open a weekend.

And let’s not forget that Tarot might just be bad. Nothing offends a horror fan quicker than a shopworn trope unless it’s a new take. But some genre YouTube critics say Tarot suffers from boilerplate syndrome; taking a basic premise and recycling it hoping people won’t notice.

But all is not lost, 2024 has a lot more horror movie offerings coming this summer. In the coming months, we will get Cuckoo (April 8), Longlegs (July 12), A Quiet Place: Part One (June 28), and the new M. Night Shyamalan thriller Trap (August 9).

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