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‘Kong: Skull Island’: Not Your Grandma’s Monster Movie

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Kong is back. And lucky for us, he’s mad as hell!

King Kong never seems to get the respect he deserves, even as his corporeal supernatural body stands buildings-above his distant cousins on the evolutionary chart, he still tumbles off skyscrapers, gets his heart broken by human females and swats at the intruding flying nuisances of the modern age.

It always seems sad that this beast is often bullied even though it should be the other way around.

Kong: Skull Island fixes all of that. Not only is Kong in serious need of anger management, his rage exposed through reproving snarls and bared fangs wreaks havoc on anyone or anything he feels a threat.

Skull Island begins and remains in the early 1970’s: the “me” decade: A time when America was just coming out of a confusing war where the country was divided maybe even moreso than it is now.

Back then, soldiers, drafted into uncertainty, explored distant lands and different cultures if only to extinguish them in the name of freedom.

This subtlety is not lost in Kong: Skull Island, in fact it’s front and center through on-location shooting and a stellar soundtrack of anti-war songs available on a curated oldies playlist somewhere.

“Kong’s” dot-to-dot plot isn’t really important here; you’ve seen and heard it all before. A crack team of men (and a woman) are tasked with exploring an uncharted land. The fashion in which they get there is time well spent developing characters. But not by much.

That brevity means it doesn’t take long before we get to the outskirts of Skull Island which is surrounded by an ever-present disruptive electrical storm system.

Enter Preston Packard (Samuel L. Jackson), a military squad leader who commands a fleet of helicopters.

He’s cocksure, with tenets of leadership forged from the madness of conflict. He’s seen the savagery of war, and since he survived thus far, he appears ready for another. He gets one.

To reveal any of the massive showstopping special effects and setpieces would be cause for you the reader to revoke my critic card. And I wouldn’t blame you.

They are spectacular and so frequent that the upgrade on your refillable popcorn is a waste of money because you won’t want to leave your seat.

After a harrowing and rivet-rattling formation flight through the center of the storm, the expedition can finally start exploring the island’s landscape once they all land.

The extraneous military flight team remains airborne and begins to drop seismic bombs; it’s all a part of the exercise, but the blasts draw the attention of Kong who confronts them on their aerial level.

In one of the most terrifying action sequences I have seen in a long time, Kong tears through the squadron with everything he’s got.

Camera angles and perspectives from both inside and out of the copters is sobering. Human life is treated like a swarm of mosquitoes as Kong tries to rout the incoming strangers.

Kong isn’t about edifying any of his actions, that’s left to the audience.

The special effects here are top-notch and the next sequence more wonderful than the last.

Director Jordan Vogt-Roberts and the geniuses at Industrial Light and Magic work cinematic miracles in their rendered affectations.

Which brings us to the team, what’s left of them. They are left scattered around Skull Island, and must try to rendezvous with each other and an incoming rescue operative.

Meanwhile Jackson has no consternation even after the helicopter standoff and suddenly holds a grudge against the giant ape on an Ahabian scale.

Each stranded group faces their own monsters on the island, and that’s where I will stop and leave it to you to discover this rollercoaster ride.

One thing Kong: Skull Island has done away with, is the odd romance between beauty and the beast.

Mason Weaver (Brie Larson) is the documentarian and only woman on the expedition, but forget any weird bestiality angst in Kong: Skull Island, the meet-cute is where it ends.

Kong: Skull Island is a terrifying film. With enough true terror and unexpected savagery that the twist is the PG-13 rating: you are definitely treated to a soft R. That is unless things have really changed at the cineplex and I’m an old curmudgeon.

Some scenes are so graphic, I think the MPAA may have been watching the 1976 version instead.

That said, this movie is a non-stop action thriller with glorious movement and very effective and expensive jump-scares.

The finale is so spectacular that I could see the audiences heads move collectively behind their 3-D glasses as the action permeated the screen.

Not a perfect movie, if your’re looking for unrequited romance under waterfalls or character development in-between action sequences.

But if it’s Kong on a rampage, and a variety of abundant and truly intense scares you want, Kong: Skull Island is definitely a place you want to visit. Bring bananas and bug spray.

And stay in your seat until the end of the credits for a special surprise.

Kong: Skull Island opens nationwide on Friday, March 10.

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The Top-Searched Free Horror/Action Movies on Tubi This Week

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The free streaming service Tubi is a great place to scroll when you’re unsure what to watch. They are not sponsored or affiliated with iHorror. Still, we really appreciate their library because it’s so robust and has many obscure horror movies so rare you can’t find them anywhere in the wild except, if you’re lucky, in a moist cardboard box at a yard sale. Other than Tubi, where else are you going to find Nightwish (1990), Spookies (1986), or The Power (1984)?

We take a look at the most searched horror titles on the platform this week, hopefully, to save you some time in your endeavor to find something free to watch on Tubi.

Interestingly at the top of the list is one of the most polarizing sequels ever made, the female-led Ghostbusters reboot from 2016. Perhaps viewers have seen the latest sequel Frozen Empire and are curious about this franchise anomaly. They will be happy to know it’s not as bad as some think and is genuinely funny in spots.

So take a look at the list below and tell us if you are interested in any of them this weekend.

1. Ghostbusters (2016)

Ghostbusters (2016)

An otherworldly invasion of New York City assembles a pair of proton-packed paranormal enthusiasts, a nuclear engineer and a subway worker for battle.An otherworldly invasion of New York City assembles a pair of proton-packed paranormal enthusiasts, a nuclear engineer and a subway worker for battle.

2. Rampage

When a group of animals becomes vicious after a genetic experiment goes awry, a primatologist must find an antidote to avert a global catastrophe.

3. The Conjuring The Devil Made Me Do It

Paranormal investigators Ed and Lorraine Warren uncover an occult conspiracy as they help a defendant argue that a demon forced him to commit murder.

4. Terrifier 2

After being resurrected by a sinister entity, Art the Clown returns to Miles County, where his next victims, a teenage girl and her brother, await.

5. Don’t Breathe

A group of teens breaks into a blind man’s home, thinking they’ll get away with the perfect crime but get more than they bargained for once inside.

6. The Conjuring 2

In one of their most terrifying paranormal investigations, Lorraine and Ed Warren help a single mother of four in a house plagued by sinister spirits.

7. Child’s Play (1988)

A dying serial killer uses voodoo to transfer his soul into a Chucky doll which winds up in the hands of a boy who may be the doll’s next victim.

8. Jeepers Creepers 2

When their bus breaks down on a deserted road, a team of high school athletes discovers an opponent they cannot defeat and may not survive.

9. Jeepers Creepers

After making a horrific discovery in the basement of an old church, a pair of siblings find themselves the chosen prey of an indestructible force.

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Morticia & Wednesday Addams Join Monster High Skullector Series

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Believe it or not, Mattel’s Monster High doll brand has an immense following with both young and not-so-young collectors. 

In that same vein, the fan base for The Addams Family is also very large. Now, the two are collaborating to create a line of collectible dolls that celebrate both worlds and what they have created is a combination of fashion dolls and goth fantasy. Forget Barbie, these ladies know who they are.

The dolls are based on Morticia and Wednesday Addams from the 2019 Addams Family animated movie. 

As with any niche collectibles these aren’t cheap they bring with them a $90 price tag, but it’s an investment as a lot of these toys become more valuable over time. 

“There goes the neighborhood. Meet the Addams Family’s ghoulishly glamorous mother-daughter duo with a Monster High twist. Inspired by the animated movie and clad in spiderweb lace and skull prints, the Morticia and Wednesday Addams Skullector doll two-pack makes for a gift that’s so macabre, it’s downright pathological.”

If you want to pre-purchase this set check out The Monster High website.

Wednesday Addams Skullector doll
Wednesday Addams Skullector doll
Footwear for Wednesday Addams Skullector doll
Morticia Addams Skullector doll
Morticia Addams doll shoes
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1994’s ‘The Crow’ Coming Back to Theaters for A New Special Engagement

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The Crow

Cinemark recently announced that they will be bringing The Crow back from the dead once again. This announcement comes just in time for the film’s 30th anniversary. Cinemark will be playing The Crow in select theaters on May 29th and 30th.

For those unaware, The Crow is a fantastic film based on the gritty graphic novel by James O’Barr. Widely considered one of the best films of the 90s, The Crow’s lifespan was cut short when Brandon Lee died of an accidental on set shooting.

The official synapsis of the film is as follows. “The modern-gothic original that entranced audiences and critics alike, The Crow tells the tale of a young musician brutally murdered alongside his beloved fiancée, only to be risen from the grave by a mysterious crow. Seeking revenge, he battles a criminal underground that must answer for its crimes. Adapted from the comic book saga of the same name, this action-packed thriller from director Alex Proyas (Dark City) features hypnotic style, dazzling visuals, and a soulful performance by the late Brandon Lee.”

The Crow

The timing of this release couldn’t be better. As a new generation of fans eagerly awaits the release of The Crow remake, they can now see the classic film in all of its glory. As much as we love Bill Skarsgard (IT), there is something timeless in Brandon Lee’s performance in the film.

This theatrical release is part of the Scream Greats series. This is a collaboration between Paramount Scares and Fangoria to bring audiences some of the best classic horror films. So far, they are doing a fantastic job.

That’s all the information we have at this time. Make sure to check back here for more news and updates.

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