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Fab Five: The Best of Chopping Mall

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When Secure-Tronics introduced the Protector 101 series of security robots at the Park Plaza mall in 1986, they made one simple assertion — “Absolutely nothing can go wrong.”

They were incorrect.

Nonetheless, such sentiment unleashed a Radio Shack experiment gone bad. The bots were basically what would have happened had Johnny 5 and ED-209 made a love droid sprinkled with a stormtrooper’s blaster skills.

Oh, the fun that was had as a result.

Here are five of the finest aspects of Jim Wynorski’s Chopping Mall.

WALTER PAISLEY

It’s Dick Miller. Let’s be real, further elaboration isn’t necessary, but we’ll do it anyway. One of the great character actors of all-time, Miller has been referred to as “intensely funny” by Roger Corman, who of course is married to Chopping Mall producer Julie Corman.

As a mall janitor, Miller’s character went by a name we’ve grown quite familiar with over the years and was his typical, on-screen self. Cranky, tough, sarcastic and funny. When one of the Go-Bots knocked over his bucket of water he threatened to turn it into scrap metal before softening to show his ID. When that didn’t go as smoothly or quickly as he’d hoped, Miller attempted to drop the hammer with a mop handle before getting cooked.

Very quickly, though it had nothing to do with anything, but in a shot where Miller was chatting with some of his janitorial brethren, a shop can be seen in the background called Slavick’s Jewelers. Now, this was three years before Miller revealed his disdain for cul-de-sacs, but one can’t help but giggle that we got a kinda sorta reference to The ‘Burbsbecause we’re all aware that Miller is not only Corman’s boy, but Joe Dante’s, as well.

BASICALLY I SAID ‘EM, YEAH

Alright, so it was a reference from the original The Day the Earth Stood Still, but you can’t help but love the moment. I know it makes me smile from ear-to-ear every time I hear it. Mike Brennan (John Terlesky) was the prototypical ’80s beefcake — big hair, big muscles, big smile, constantly champing gum and a one-track mind. However, when Leslie Tood (Suzee Slater) asked him to wander off to get some post-coital smokes from the cigarette machine (ahhh, the ’80s), he was confronted with one of the rage-bots and it was just a classic moment. He offered up his ID for scan, but before pulling it away dropped “Klaatu, verada, nikto. Okay?” A nod to a sci-fi classic and perhaps inspiration for Bruce Campbell and Sam Raimi’s Army of Darkness. Regardless, it never gets old.

RICK, OLD BOY. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH YOUR…LIFE?

I doubt any of you missed the Friday the 13th Part 2 reference there, but just to be safe, Russell Todd not only portrayed Rick Stanton in Chopping Mall, but also Scott in the first sequel of the Camp Crystal Lake saga. He’d matured from harassing and firing slingshots at Terry’s derriere to married life, but didn’t handle it very well when his better half was taken out by the bots. Funny, because Todd’s Friday co-star Tom McBride proved he’d never be the head of a major corporation, and Rick followed suit, jumping on a transport cart like Austin Powers for a five-foot trek only to be electrocuted almost immediately. I guess he just couldn’t stand the thought of life without his bride.

TOUGH TRIO

These were not your typical high school horror girls. Alright, so Barbara Crampton played fun-loving and sexed-up to perfection, but about the time Leslie lost her head, Crampton went off the deep end.

However, Linda Stanton (Karrie Emerson) was anything but the throw-away female character whose only requirement was to show her breasts and die a memorable death. No, Linda was resourceful and thought on her feet. She fixed her truck when her husband couldn’t and taught the other ladies how to create some bombastic Molotov cocktails in the hardware store. Linda would have made a fine final girl, indeed.

If it weren’t for Alison Parks (Kelli Maroney). While it’s true her character was hesitant to go to the furniture store party, she felt a connection with Ferdy (Tony O’Dell) and even allowed the bespectacled wonder to reach first base in a sweet, Stacy Hamilton / Mark Ratner, Fast Times moment. However, she never lost her edge. I mean, she was a Marine’s kid. Not only was she the Steph Curry of final girls, it was altogether fitting that she’d drop the Schwarzenegger-level, “Have a nice day” one-liner before blowing the final bot to bits at the Sherman Oaks Galleria, the very same mall where scenes for Commando were filmed.

Nice shot.

PECKINPAH’S!

Report from the front: Ferdy’s got a worry.

Everything about this scene is just amazing. The boys decide that they need to make a stand and head to the sporting goods store for some weaponry. From Rambo-grams to the camera tilt revealing a group of would-be badasses, it’s just pure magic.

BONUS

After Alison slipped the spiders and snakes and scooted out of the pet store, the camera panned to reveal the name of the establishment — Roger’s Little Shop of Pets.

Bloody. Brilliant.

Chopping Mall is well stocked with memorable moments, so please don’t be shy and shares yours in the comments section below.

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Movies

‘Violent Night’ Director’s Next Project is a Shark Movie

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Sony Pictures is getting in the water with director Tommy Wirkola for his next project; a shark movie. Although no plot details have been revealed, Variety confirms that the movie will start filming in Australia this summer.

Also confirmed is that actress Phoebe Dynevor is circling the project and is in talks to star. She is probably best known for her role as Daphne in the popular Netflix soap Bridgerton.

Dead Snow (2009)

Duo Adam McKay and Kevin Messick (Don’t Look Up, Succession) will produce the new film.

Wirkola is from Norway and utilizes a lot of action in his horror films. One of his first films, Dead Snow (2009), about zombie Nazis, is a cult favorite, and his 2013 action-heavy Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters is an entertaining distraction.

Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013)

But 2022’s Christmas blood fest Violent Night starring David Harbour made wider audiences familiar with Wirkola. Coupled with favorable reviews and a great CinemaScore, the film became a Yuletide hit.

Insneider first reported this new shark project.

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Editorial

Why You May NOT Want To Go In Blind Before Watching ‘The Coffee Table’

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You might want to prepare yourself for some things if you plan to watch The Coffee Table now rentable on Prime. We aren’t going to go into any spoilers, but research is your best friend if you are sensitive to intense subject matter.

If you don’t believe us, maybe horror writer Stephen King might convince you. In a tweet he published on May 10, the author says, “There’s a Spanish movie called THE COFFEE TABLE on Amazon Prime and Apple+. My guess is you have never, not once in your whole life, seen a movie as black as this one. It’s horrible and also horribly funny. Think the Coen Brothers’ darkest dream.”

It is hard to talk about the film without giving anything away. Let’s just say there are certain things in horror movies that are generally off the, ahem, table and this film crosses that line in a big way.

The Coffee Table

The very ambiguous synopsis says:

“Jesus (David Pareja) and Maria (Estefanía de los Santos) are a couple going through a difficult time in their relationship. Nevertheless, they have just become parents. To shape their new life, they decide to buy a new coffee table. A decision that will change their existence.”

But there is more to it than that, and the fact that this might be the darkest of all comedies is also a little unsettling. Although it is heavy on the dramatic side too, the core issue is very taboo and might leave certain people sick and disturbed.

What’s worse is that it is an excellent movie. The acting is phenomenal and the suspense, masterclass. Compounding that it’s a Spanish film with subtitles so you have to look at your screen; it’s just evil.

The good news is The Coffee Table isn’t really that gory. Yes, there is blood, but it’s used more as just a reference than a gratuitous opportunity. Still, the mere thought of what this family has to go through is unnerving and I can guess many people will turn it off within the first half-hour.

Director Caye Casas has made a great film that might go down in history as one of the most disturbing ever made. You have been warned.

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Trailer For Shudder’s Latest ‘The Demon Disorder’ Showcases SFX

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It’s always interesting when award-winning special effects artists become directors of horror films. That is the case with The Demon Disorder coming from Steven Boyle who has done work on The Matrix movies, The Hobbit trilogy, and King Kong (2005).

The Demon Disorder is the latest Shudder acquisition as it continues adding high-quality and interesting content to its catalog. The film is the directorial debut of Boyle and he says he is happy that it will become a part of the horror streamer’s library coming fall 2024.

“We are thrilled that The Demon Disorder has reached its final resting place with our friends at Shudder,” said Boyle.  “It’s a community and fanbase that we hold in the highest esteem and we couldn’t be happier to be on this journey with them!”

Shudder echoes Boyle’s thoughts about the film, emphasizing his skill.

“After years of a creating a range of elaborate visual experiences through his work as a special effects designer on iconic films, we’re thrilled to give Steven Boyle a platform for his feature length directorial debut with The Demon Disorder,” said Samuel Zimmerman, Head of Programming for Shudder.  “Full of impressive body horror that fans have come to expect from this master of effects, Boyle’s film is an engrossing story about breaking generational curses that viewers will find both unsettling and amusing.”

The movie is being described as an “Australian family drama” that centers on, “Graham, a man haunted by his past since the death of his father and the estrangement from his two brothers. Jake, the middle brother, contacts Graham claiming that something is horribly wrong: their youngest brother Phillip is possessed by their deceased father. Graham reluctantly agrees to go and see for himself. With the three brothers back together, they soon realize they are unprepared for the forces against them and learn that the sins of their past will not stay hidden. But how do you defeat a presence that knows you inside and out? An anger so powerful it refuses to stay dead?”

The movie stars, John Noble (The Lord of the Rings), Charles CottierChristian Willis, and Dirk Hunter.

Take a look at the trailer below and let us know what you think. The Demon Disorder will begin streaming on Shudder this fall.

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