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Elvira Conquers Christmas with Claymation

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Who “puts the boob back in boob-tube?” If you guessed the incomparable Elvira, then you guessed right! Ever since I was a kid, she has been an idol of mine. When I was young, my mother had a VHS copy of Elvira: Mistress of the Dark. I watched that movie until I wore it out. Later came the movie Elvira’s Haunted Hills. Her second movie was cheesier with a bigger budget and jokes that would make Mel Brooks chuckle. It also starred Richard O’Brien as Lord Vladimir Hellsubus and as a Rocky Horror Picture Show fan, I automatically loved this movie.

As I got older, I started collecting Elvira’s Movie Macabre titles like I Eat Your Skin and her Night of the Living Dead commentary. Until this year, there was a Movie Macabre unknown to me: Elvira’s Christmas Movie Macabre. “Jumpin’ jingle bells! What did you say? Elvira AND Christmas?” Yes, children, it’s true. Elvira has tackled Christmas (and Santa for that matter). Available on DVD, this Elvira’s Movie Macabre includes Elvira’s Scary Christmas claymation short, Santa Claus Conquers the Martians and Roger Corman’s Beast from a Haunted Cave. I highly recommend any and all of the Movie Macabre collections, but c’mon, you’re here for claymation Elvira. Well luckily for you, here is the complete animated short that kicks off Elvira’s Scary Christmas.

If you are new to the Elvira scene, I’m jealous of you. You get to discover the wonderfulness that is Elvira for the first time. Because I am here for you, to guide you, like the Sherpa of Elvira’s mountains, here is the 1988 trailer from her first movie, Elvira: Mistress of the Dark.

Had enough of the Mistress of the Dark yet? No? You asked for it. Here’s our favorite busty vamp and the Super Mario Brothers in The Ghoul of My Dreams. No that wasn’t a typo, just watch the clip and let your nerdy fantasies come true.

If you would like to purchase the Christmas Movie Macabre DVD, you can get that right here. Kick off your Creepy Christmas right and do yourself a favor, fill it with Elvira. You’ll thank me for it.

Unpleasant dreams…

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The Tall Man Funko Pop! Is a Reminder of the Late Angus Scrimm

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Phantasm tall man Funko pop

The Funko Pop! brand of figurines is finally paying homage to one of the scariest horror movie villains of all time, The Tall Man from Phantasm. According to Bloody Disgusting the toy was previewed by Funko this week.

The creepy otherworldly protagonist was played by the late Angus Scrimm who passed away in 2016. He was a journalist and B-movie actor who became a horror movie icon in 1979 for his role as the mysterious funeral home owner known as The Tall Man. The Pop! also includes the bloodsucking flying silver orb The Tall Man used as a weapon against trespassers.

Phantasm

He also spoke one of the most iconic lines in independent horror, “Boooy! You play a good game, boy, but the game is finished. Now you die!”

There is no word on when this figurine will be released or when preorders will go on sale, but it’s nice to see this horror icon remembered in vinyl.

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Director of ‘The Loved Ones’ Next Film is a Shark/Serial Killer Movie

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The director of The Loved Ones and The Devil’s Candy is going nautical for his next horror film. Variety is reporting that Sean Byrne is gearing up to make a shark movie but with a twist.

This film titled Dangerous Animals, takes place on a boat where a woman named Zephyr (Hassie Harrison), according to Variety, is “Held captive on his boat, she must figure out how to escape before he carries out a ritualistic feeding to the sharks below. The only person who realizes she is missing is new love interest Moses (Hueston), who goes looking for Zephyr, only to be caught by the deranged murderer as well.”

Nick Lepard writes it, and filming will begin on the Australian Gold Coast on May 7.

Dangerous Animals will get a spot at Cannes according to David Garrett from Mister Smith Entertainment. He says, “‘Dangerous Animals’ is a super-intense and gripping story of survival, in the face of an unimaginably malevolent predator. In a clever melding of the serial killer and shark movie genres, it makes the shark look like the nice guy,”

Shark movies will probably always be a mainstay in the horror genre. None have ever really succeeded in the level of scariness reached by Jaws, but since Byrne uses a lot of body horror and intriguing images in his works Dangerous Animals might be an exception.

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PG-13 Rated ‘Tarot’ Underperforms at the Box Office

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Tarot starts off the summer horror box office season with a whimper. Scary movies like these are usually a fall offering so why Sony decided to make Tarot a summer contender is questionable. Since Sony uses Netflix as their VOD platform now maybe people are waiting to stream it for free even though both critic and audience scores were very low, a death sentence to a theatrical release. 

Although it was a fast death — the movie brought in $6.5 million domestically and an additional $3.7 million globally, enough to recoup its budget — word of mouth might have been enough to convince moviegoers to make their popcorn at home for this one. 

Tarot

Another factor in its demise might be its MPAA rating; PG-13. Moderate fans of horror can handle fare that falls under this rating, but hardcore viewers who fuel the box office in this genre, prefer an R. Anything less rarely does well unless James Wan is at the helm or that infrequent occurrence like The Ring. It might be because the PG-13 viewer will wait for streaming while an R generates enough interest to open a weekend.

And let’s not forget that Tarot might just be bad. Nothing offends a horror fan quicker than a shopworn trope unless it’s a new take. But some genre YouTube critics say Tarot suffers from boilerplate syndrome; taking a basic premise and recycling it hoping people won’t notice.

But all is not lost, 2024 has a lot more horror movie offerings coming this summer. In the coming months, we will get Cuckoo (April 8), Longlegs (July 12), A Quiet Place: Part One (June 28), and the new M. Night Shyamalan thriller Trap (August 9).

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