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Stuart Gordon & Jason Voorhees Teach Kids about “Stranger Danger”!

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Written by Dr. Jose

Who better to teach kids about “stranger danger” than the ultimate dangerous stranger himself, Jason Voorhees?

It’s funny to think about now, but back in the ’80s it was not all that uncommon for the brutal murderers of the big screen – who were dominating the box office at the time – to be repurposed for various other money-making outlets which were aimed at the youth of the day. Michael Myers was in a video game, Leatherface popped up in Daffy Duck movies, and Freddy Krueger – hell, when it came to kids, Freddy was more popular than the Easter Bunny (and about just as scary).

And that big ol’ water-logged mama’s boy, Jason Voorhees? He was no stranger to family friendly fare, either.

In 1988, the same year Friday the 13th VII: The New Blood came out, Triaminic (the company that makes cold medicine for kids) released a home video entitled Kid Safe: The Video. The 30-minute video, which was written and directed by body horror maestro Stuart Gordon and stars SCTV alums Andrea Martin and Joe Flaherty (acting as host, as his Count Floyd character), was intended to teach kids about what to do (and what not to do) in case they’re ever left home alone. Stuff like don’t drink your parents booze, don’t stick metal items in a toaster, and only call 911 in an emergency – y’know, the basics. Martin plays the little girl who’s left home alone, and throughout the video she breaks every single rule – only to immediately learn her lesson each time. By the end she’s completely reformed; an upstanding, rule-obeying kid who has learned to think before she acts. So when a stranger comes knocking at her door towards the end of the video, she smiles knowingly and proudly ignores it without a second thought.

So who was the stranger knocking at her door? Why, Jason Voorhees, of course! As the camera shows us the view from the front porch, we see Mr. Voorhees, who’s happens to be joined by a martian, a werewolf, a mummy, and a witch. Upon being denied entry, Jason shrugs and says, “Ah, well…”, and the crew saunters off to parts unknown.

The role of Jason was played by Daniel Welk – his only credit to date. And yes, that’s the late (and irreplaceable) Meshach Taylor playing the fireman. If anything, the video is a reminder of a bygone era when horror’s biggest icons were treated more like mascots than they were murderers.

So remember: if someone knocks at your door this Friday the 13th, be sure to ask who it is before you open it!

Thanks to Youtuber Taz D. for uploading and preserving this piece of weirdo video history.

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Editorial

Yay or Nay: What’s Good and Bad in Horror This Week

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Horror Movies

Welcome to Yay or Nay a weekly mini post about what I think is good and bad news in the horror community written in bite-sized chunks. 

Yay:

Mike Flanagan talking about directing the next chapter in the Exorcist trilogy. That might mean he saw the last one and realized there were two left and if he does anything well it’s draw out a story. 

Yay:

To the announcement of a new IP-based film Mickey Vs Winnie. It’s fun to read comical hot takes from people who haven’t even seen the movie yet.

Nay:

The new Faces of Death reboot gets an R rating. It’s not really fair — Gen-Z should get an unrated version like past generations so they can question their mortality the same as the rest of us did. 

Yay:

Russell Crowe is doing another possession movie. He’s quickly becoming another Nic Cage by saying yes to every script, bringing the magic back to B-movies, and more money into VOD. 

Nay:

Putting The Crow back in theaters for its 30th anniversary. Re-releasing classic movies at the cinema to celebrate a milestone is perfectly fine, but doing so when the lead actor in that film was killed on set due to neglect is a cash grab of the worst kind. 

The Crow
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Lists

The Top-Searched Free Horror/Action Movies on Tubi This Week

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The free streaming service Tubi is a great place to scroll when you’re unsure what to watch. They are not sponsored or affiliated with iHorror. Still, we really appreciate their library because it’s so robust and has many obscure horror movies so rare you can’t find them anywhere in the wild except, if you’re lucky, in a moist cardboard box at a yard sale. Other than Tubi, where else are you going to find Nightwish (1990), Spookies (1986), or The Power (1984)?

We take a look at the most searched horror titles on the platform this week, hopefully, to save you some time in your endeavor to find something free to watch on Tubi.

Interestingly at the top of the list is one of the most polarizing sequels ever made, the female-led Ghostbusters reboot from 2016. Perhaps viewers have seen the latest sequel Frozen Empire and are curious about this franchise anomaly. They will be happy to know it’s not as bad as some think and is genuinely funny in spots.

So take a look at the list below and tell us if you are interested in any of them this weekend.

1. Ghostbusters (2016)

Ghostbusters (2016)

An otherworldly invasion of New York City assembles a pair of proton-packed paranormal enthusiasts, a nuclear engineer and a subway worker for battle.An otherworldly invasion of New York City assembles a pair of proton-packed paranormal enthusiasts, a nuclear engineer and a subway worker for battle.

2. Rampage

When a group of animals becomes vicious after a genetic experiment goes awry, a primatologist must find an antidote to avert a global catastrophe.

3. The Conjuring The Devil Made Me Do It

Paranormal investigators Ed and Lorraine Warren uncover an occult conspiracy as they help a defendant argue that a demon forced him to commit murder.

4. Terrifier 2

After being resurrected by a sinister entity, Art the Clown returns to Miles County, where his next victims, a teenage girl and her brother, await.

5. Don’t Breathe

A group of teens breaks into a blind man’s home, thinking they’ll get away with the perfect crime but get more than they bargained for once inside.

6. The Conjuring 2

In one of their most terrifying paranormal investigations, Lorraine and Ed Warren help a single mother of four in a house plagued by sinister spirits.

7. Child’s Play (1988)

A dying serial killer uses voodoo to transfer his soul into a Chucky doll which winds up in the hands of a boy who may be the doll’s next victim.

8. Jeepers Creepers 2

When their bus breaks down on a deserted road, a team of high school athletes discovers an opponent they cannot defeat and may not survive.

9. Jeepers Creepers

After making a horrific discovery in the basement of an old church, a pair of siblings find themselves the chosen prey of an indestructible force.

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News

Morticia & Wednesday Addams Join Monster High Skullector Series

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Believe it or not, Mattel’s Monster High doll brand has an immense following with both young and not-so-young collectors. 

In that same vein, the fan base for The Addams Family is also very large. Now, the two are collaborating to create a line of collectible dolls that celebrate both worlds and what they have created is a combination of fashion dolls and goth fantasy. Forget Barbie, these ladies know who they are.

The dolls are based on Morticia and Wednesday Addams from the 2019 Addams Family animated movie. 

As with any niche collectibles these aren’t cheap they bring with them a $90 price tag, but it’s an investment as a lot of these toys become more valuable over time. 

“There goes the neighborhood. Meet the Addams Family’s ghoulishly glamorous mother-daughter duo with a Monster High twist. Inspired by the animated movie and clad in spiderweb lace and skull prints, the Morticia and Wednesday Addams Skullector doll two-pack makes for a gift that’s so macabre, it’s downright pathological.”

If you want to pre-purchase this set check out The Monster High website.

Wednesday Addams Skullector doll
Wednesday Addams Skullector doll
Footwear for Wednesday Addams Skullector doll
Morticia Addams Skullector doll
Morticia Addams doll shoes
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