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Movie Review: Rob Zombie’s 31

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Written by John Squires

After the Fathom Events “sneak preview” screening of 31, Rob Zombie appeared on screen for a pre-filmed Q&A session. When asked what movies inspired him to make the film we just watched, Zombie relayed a story that was quite telling. In short, he had been developing a non-horror project that just wasn’t working out, and during a phone conversation with a friend, he noted that he could come up with any random, dumb horror idea off the top of his head and make that movie instead. And here we are. Rob Zombie’s 31; a random idea that Zombie quickly came up with on the phone one night.

Oh boy does it show.

Written and directed by Rob Zombie, the 1976-set 31 centers on the members of a traveling carnival who are kidnapped one night by a group of masked maniacs. It’s Halloween night, and their captors are playing an annual game of life-and-death that puts the gang up against a series of increasingly sadistic clowns. If they wish to survive, the friends will have to stick together and fight for their lives.

31 new trailer

For a guy whose music has remained relatively one-note throughout the years, Rob Zombie has proven himself to be a fairly versatile filmmaker. The leap from the cartoonish House of 1000 Corpses to the Western-like epic that is The Devil’s Rejects was huge, and in the wake of his much-maligned stay in Haddonfield, The Lords of Salem saw Zombie stepping outside any box he had put himself in. But with 31, Zombie not only puts himself back in the box, but takes such a huge step backwards that it’s hard not to wonder what happened to the visionary who once seemed intent on, well, trying.

One thing you cannot take away from 31 is that it’s most definitely a Rob Zombie movie, and though it’s hard not to admire a filmmaker whose work is so completely his own, the problem with 31 is that it feels, to a nauseating extent, like a filmmaker going through the motions and just plain not caring. Zombie’s laziest and safest film to date, 31 abandons most of the goodwill he has built up as a filmmaker over the years, playing out not quite like a pastiche of his greatest hits, but rather a Frankenstein-like patchwork of Zombie’s worst artistic qualities. Dialogue, techniques, and even entire scenes are lifted wholesale from Zombie’s past work; but this time around, the charm is strangely absent from the proceedings.

doom head

A plotless mess that’s home to no shortage of Zombie’s trademark sleaziness but not much else, 31 is, I hate to say it, the work of a filmmaker pandering to the lowest common denominator and grabbing the lowest hanging fruit from every single tree he passes by. While Zombie is certainly known for creating memorable and truly iconic villains, even the bad guys here feel completely uninspired; I can almost guarantee the only one you’ll remember upon leaving the theater is Doom-Head, played by a scene-stealing Richard Brake. The film is at its best whenever Brake is on screen, and to his credit, Zombie seems well aware of that; the entire opening scene sees Brake delivering a chilling monologue.

Among the film’s many problems is the camerawork, which is shakier than the shakiest found footage film you’ve ever seen; and 31 is not, in case you were wondering, a handheld horror flick. Whenever anything happens – and when I say “anything,” I mean someone getting killed… not much else ever really happens – Zombie shakes the camera to the point that you can barely tell what’s happening, which oddly makes the film way less brutal than you may expect it to be. Even when the blood does fly, and you can actually make out what’s going on, there’s never much creativity to the gruesomeness or the manner in which the dull characters are dispatched. It’s all just too limp and forgettable for its own good.

As someone who’s been defending Rob Zombie since he started writing about movies, it pains me to not be able to defend 31. It pains me even more to feel, in my heart, that his greatest work as a filmmaker may be behind him. Because when a filmmaker jumps the shark, it tends to look a whole lot like 31.

Let’s just forget this ever happened.

31 poster

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The Top-Searched Free Horror/Action Movies on Tubi This Week

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The free streaming service Tubi is a great place to scroll when you’re unsure what to watch. They are not sponsored or affiliated with iHorror. Still, we really appreciate their library because it’s so robust and has many obscure horror movies so rare you can’t find them anywhere in the wild except, if you’re lucky, in a moist cardboard box at a yard sale. Other than Tubi, where else are you going to find Nightwish (1990), Spookies (1986), or The Power (1984)?

We take a look at the most searched horror titles on the platform this week, hopefully, to save you some time in your endeavor to find something free to watch on Tubi.

Interestingly at the top of the list is one of the most polarizing sequels ever made, the female-led Ghostbusters reboot from 2016. Perhaps viewers have seen the latest sequel Frozen Empire and are curious about this franchise anomaly. They will be happy to know it’s not as bad as some think and is genuinely funny in spots.

So take a look at the list below and tell us if you are interested in any of them this weekend.

1. Ghostbusters (2016)

Ghostbusters (2016)

An otherworldly invasion of New York City assembles a pair of proton-packed paranormal enthusiasts, a nuclear engineer and a subway worker for battle.An otherworldly invasion of New York City assembles a pair of proton-packed paranormal enthusiasts, a nuclear engineer and a subway worker for battle.

2. Rampage

When a group of animals becomes vicious after a genetic experiment goes awry, a primatologist must find an antidote to avert a global catastrophe.

3. The Conjuring The Devil Made Me Do It

Paranormal investigators Ed and Lorraine Warren uncover an occult conspiracy as they help a defendant argue that a demon forced him to commit murder.

4. Terrifier 2

After being resurrected by a sinister entity, Art the Clown returns to Miles County, where his next victims, a teenage girl and her brother, await.

5. Don’t Breathe

A group of teens breaks into a blind man’s home, thinking they’ll get away with the perfect crime but get more than they bargained for once inside.

6. The Conjuring 2

In one of their most terrifying paranormal investigations, Lorraine and Ed Warren help a single mother of four in a house plagued by sinister spirits.

7. Child’s Play (1988)

A dying serial killer uses voodoo to transfer his soul into a Chucky doll which winds up in the hands of a boy who may be the doll’s next victim.

8. Jeepers Creepers 2

When their bus breaks down on a deserted road, a team of high school athletes discovers an opponent they cannot defeat and may not survive.

9. Jeepers Creepers

After making a horrific discovery in the basement of an old church, a pair of siblings find themselves the chosen prey of an indestructible force.

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Morticia & Wednesday Addams Join Monster High Skullector Series

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Believe it or not, Mattel’s Monster High doll brand has an immense following with both young and not-so-young collectors. 

In that same vein, the fan base for The Addams Family is also very large. Now, the two are collaborating to create a line of collectible dolls that celebrate both worlds and what they have created is a combination of fashion dolls and goth fantasy. Forget Barbie, these ladies know who they are.

The dolls are based on Morticia and Wednesday Addams from the 2019 Addams Family animated movie. 

As with any niche collectibles these aren’t cheap they bring with them a $90 price tag, but it’s an investment as a lot of these toys become more valuable over time. 

“There goes the neighborhood. Meet the Addams Family’s ghoulishly glamorous mother-daughter duo with a Monster High twist. Inspired by the animated movie and clad in spiderweb lace and skull prints, the Morticia and Wednesday Addams Skullector doll two-pack makes for a gift that’s so macabre, it’s downright pathological.”

If you want to pre-purchase this set check out The Monster High website.

Wednesday Addams Skullector doll
Wednesday Addams Skullector doll
Footwear for Wednesday Addams Skullector doll
Morticia Addams Skullector doll
Morticia Addams doll shoes
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1994’s ‘The Crow’ Coming Back to Theaters for A New Special Engagement

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The Crow

Cinemark recently announced that they will be bringing The Crow back from the dead once again. This announcement comes just in time for the film’s 30th anniversary. Cinemark will be playing The Crow in select theaters on May 29th and 30th.

For those unaware, The Crow is a fantastic film based on the gritty graphic novel by James O’Barr. Widely considered one of the best films of the 90s, The Crow’s lifespan was cut short when Brandon Lee died of an accidental on set shooting.

The official synapsis of the film is as follows. “The modern-gothic original that entranced audiences and critics alike, The Crow tells the tale of a young musician brutally murdered alongside his beloved fiancée, only to be risen from the grave by a mysterious crow. Seeking revenge, he battles a criminal underground that must answer for its crimes. Adapted from the comic book saga of the same name, this action-packed thriller from director Alex Proyas (Dark City) features hypnotic style, dazzling visuals, and a soulful performance by the late Brandon Lee.”

The Crow

The timing of this release couldn’t be better. As a new generation of fans eagerly awaits the release of The Crow remake, they can now see the classic film in all of its glory. As much as we love Bill Skarsgard (IT), there is something timeless in Brandon Lee’s performance in the film.

This theatrical release is part of the Scream Greats series. This is a collaboration between Paramount Scares and Fangoria to bring audiences some of the best classic horror films. So far, they are doing a fantastic job.

That’s all the information we have at this time. Make sure to check back here for more news and updates.

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