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Randy’s Rules Revisited: How to Survive Real Life Killers

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We all know the original cardinal rules of horror movies: you won’t survive if you have sex, you won’t survive if you’re drunk or high, and you most definitely will not survive if you go off to investigate a strange noise. Thanks to Randy Meeks (Scream), fanatics that had taken to screaming, “Don’t do that!” at the screen suddenly had a voice on the screen, verbalizing what they already knew. But it’s easy to tell characters that they should be listening to the kooky old gas station attendant warning them of vaguely ominous danger ahead when we’ve already seen several extras get chopped into tiny pieces by a mad man up the road. Without possessing the omnipotence of the audience, we’re all on equal footing because no one expects to suddenly find themselves in a real life horror movie. That’s a good thing, because the “rules” change from one psychopath to the next, and what kept you safe from Dahmer may not help avoiding death at the hands of The Zodiac Killer. Here’s a look at a few notorious serial killers, and what rules of survival we’ve learned from their terrifying reigns.

Lock Your Doors

richardchase

Richard Chase, aka “The Vampire of Sacramento”, would not enter homes with locked doors, but took unlocked homes to be an invitation to enter. Chase was heavily into the vampire mythology and drank the blood of his victims along with various animals to support his “need.” He had claimed 6 victims before intentionally overdosing in a prison cell.

Sobriety is Safety

dahmer

Jeffrey Dahmer was actually banned from a bath house after drugging one victim all the way to an overdose. He didn’t appreciate his sexual partners’ bad habit of moving during the act, and had taken to lacing liquor with sedatives to get that sexy corpse-like feeling. Obviously the victims didn’t expect to get drugged, raped, murdered, and eaten, but think about it: Dahmer had 17 known victims. 17 people made the mistake of trusting a regular looking dude. Keep that in mind the next time you’re hanging with an attractive new acquaintance and they offer to mix you a cocktail.

Unprotected Sex Will Screw You

ameliadyer

Maybe this one is a tiny bit of a stretch, but Amelia Dyer is thought to have killed as many as 400 babies–maybe more–during her “baby farming” career. Presenting herself as a loving, maternal figure, she took a one time payment from single mothers in desperate situations (single motherhood was sort of a bitch in the 1800s) offering to give their child a safe and loving home. What she actually did was starve or strangle the babies and keep the mother’s payment, pocketing it as purely profit. Many of the mothers that gave Dyer their child had hopes of one day reuniting with their children, which obviously never happened.

Trust No One

marybell

Mary Bell is not technically a serial killer as she only claimed 2 lives, but to be fair, that’s a lot to get done in between Saturday morning cartoons. Bell was 10 years old when she strangled her first victim, a 4 year old. Her second victim was not taken until she reached the ripe old age of 11. We’ve all heard the urban legend about the babysitter receiving strange phone calls from someone inquiring as to whether the babysitter has checked on the children, but what if you don’t want to check on the children because they might be armed?!

Clowns Are Bad and Should Be Avoided

gacyclown

Although John Wayne Gacy didn’t murder people while in his “Pogo the Clown” entertainer personality, he performed many events dressed as a fucking clown and if his victim count (over 30) doesn’t make him a monster, his alter ego does. For all you coulrophiles out there, just kidding! (Psst…everyone else…we know clowns are fucking evil.)

Tourists Are Targets

bikinikiller

Charles Sobhraj, aka “The Bikini Killer” totaled over one dozen victims between 1974-1976. His exact victim count is unknown, though most were Western tourists. Sobhraj killed in several countries, and is currently incarcerated in Nepal.

The Mask Doesn’t Always Come Off

shadowsketch

The Doodler is a still unidentified serial killer who operated in California in the 1970s, picking up victims at gay nightclubs and bars. Earning the nickname from his habit of sketching them before engaging in sexual activities and then murdering them, The Doodler has a victim count of 14. Three other individuals survived the attacks, although their reluctance to “out” themselves as gay meant there was no trial, and the identity of the killer is unknown.

 

 

 

 

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Movie Reviews

Panic Fest 2024 Review: ‘The Ceremony Is About To Begin’

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People will look for answers and belonging in the darkest places and the darkest people. The Osiris Collective is a commune predicated upon ancient Egyptian theology and was run by the mysterious Father Osiris. The group boasted dozens of members, each forgoing their old lives for one held in the Egyptian themed land owned by Osiris in Northern California. But the good times take a turn for the worst when in 2018, an upstart member of the collective named Anubis (Chad Westbrook Hinds) reports Osiris disappearing while mountain climbing and declaring himself the new leader. A schism ensued with many members leaving the cult under Anubis’ unhinged leadership. A documentary is being made by a young man named Keith (John Laird) whose fixation with The Osiris Collective stems from his girlfriend Maddy leaving him for the group several years ago. When Keith gets invited to document the commune by Anubis himself, he decides to investigate, only to get wrapped up in horrors he couldn’t even imagine…

The Ceremony Is About To Begin is the latest genre twisting horror film from Red Snow‘s Sean Nichols Lynch. This time tackling cultist horror along with a mockumentary style and the Egyptian mythology theme for the cherry on top. I was a big fan of Red Snow‘s subversiveness of the vampire romance sub-genre and was excited to see what this take would bring. While the movie has some interesting ideas and a decent tension between the meek Keith and the erratic Anubis, it just doesn’t exactly thread everything together in a succinct fashion.

The story begins with a true crime documentary style interviewing former members of The Osiris Collective and sets-up what led the cult to where it is now. This aspect of the storyline, especially Keith’s own personal interest in the cult, made it an interesting plotline. But aside from some clips later on, it doesn’t play as much a factor. The focus is largely on the dynamic between Anubis and Keith, which is toxic to put it lightly. Interestingly, Chad Westbrook Hinds and John Lairds are both credited as writers on The Ceremony Is About To Begin and definitely feel like they’re putting their all into these characters. Anubis is the very definition of a cult leader. Charismatic, philosophical, whimsical, and threateningly dangerous at the drop of a hat.

Yet strangely, the commune is deserted of all cult members. Creating a ghost town that only amps up the danger as Keith documents Anubis’ alleged utopia. A lot of the back and forth between them drags at times as they struggle for control and Anubis keeps continuing to convince Keith to stick around despite the threatening situation. This does lead to a pretty fun and bloody finale that fully leans into mummy horror.

Overall, despite meandering and having a bit of a slow pace, The ceremony Is About To Begin is a fairly entertaining cult, found footage, and mummy horror hybrid. If you want mummies, it delivers on mummies!

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“Mickey Vs. Winnie”: Iconic Childhood Characters Collide in A Terrifying Versus Slasher

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iHorror is diving deep into film production with a chilling new project that’s sure to redefine your childhood memories. We’re thrilled to introduce ‘Mickey vs. Winnie,’ a groundbreaking horror slasher directed by Glenn Douglas Packard. This isn’t just any horror slasher; it’s a visceral showdown between twisted versions of childhood favorites Mickey Mouse and Winnie-the-Pooh. ‘Mickey vs. Winnie’ brings together the now-public-domain characters from A. A. Milne’s ‘Winnie-the-Pooh’ books and Mickey Mouse from the 1920s ‘Steamboat Willie’ cartoon in a VS battle like never before seen.

Mickey VS Winnie
Mickey VS Winnie Poster

Set in the 1920s, the plot kicks off with a disturbing narrative about two convicts who escape into a cursed forest, only to be swallowed by its dark essence. Fast forward a hundred years, and the story picks up with a group of thrill-seeking friends whose nature getaway goes horribly wrong. They accidentally venture into the same cursed woods, finding themselves face-to-face with the now monstrous versions of Mickey and Winnie. What follows is a night filled with terror, as these beloved characters mutate into horrifying adversaries, unleashing a frenzy of violence and bloodshed.

Glenn Douglas Packard, an Emmy-nominated choreographer turned filmmaker known for his work on “Pitchfork,” brings a unique creative vision to this film. Packard describes “Mickey vs. Winnie” as a tribute to horror fans’ love for iconic crossovers, which often remain just a fantasy due to licensing restrictions. “Our film celebrates the thrill of combining legendary characters in unexpected ways, serving up a nightmarish yet exhilarating cinematic experience,” says Packard.

Produced by Packard and his creative partner Rachel Carter under the Untouchables Entertainment banner, and our very own Anthony Pernicka, founder of iHorror, “Mickey vs. Winnie” promises to deliver an entirely new take on these iconic figures. “Forget what you know about Mickey and Winnie,” Pernicka enthuses. “Our film portrays these characters not as mere masked figures but as transformed, live-action horrors that merge innocence with malevolence. The intense scenes crafted for this movie will change how you see these characters forever.”

Currently underway in Michigan, the production of “Mickey vs. Winnie” is a testament to pushing boundaries, which horror loves to do. As iHorror ventures into producing our own films, we’re excited to share this thrilling, terrifying journey with you, our loyal audience. Stay tuned for more updates as we continue to transform the familiar into the frightful in ways you’ve never imagined.

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Mike Flanagan Comes Aboard To Assist in Completion of ‘Shelby Oaks’

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shelby oaks

If you have been following Chris Stuckmann on YouTube you are aware of the struggles he has had getting his horror movie Shelby Oaks finished. But there’s good news about the project today. Director Mike Flanagan (Ouija: Origin Of Evil, Doctor Sleep and The Haunting) is backing the film as a co-executive producer which might bring it much closer to being released. Flanagan is a part of the collective Intrepid Pictures which also includes Trevor Macy and Melinda Nishioka.

Shelby Oaks
Shelby Oaks

Stuckmann is a YouTube movie critic who’s been on the platform for over a decade. He came under some scrutiny for announcing on his channel two years ago that he would no longer be reviewing films negatively. However contrary to that statement, he did a non-review essay of the panned Madame Web recently saying, that studios strong-arm directors to make films just for the sake of keeping failing franchises alive. It seemed like a critique disguised as a discussion video.

But Stuckmann has his own movie to worry about. In one of Kickstarter’s most successful campaigns, he managed to raise over $1 million for his debut feature film Shelby Oaks which now sits in post-production. 

Hopefully, with Flanagan and Intrepid’s help, the road to Shelby Oak’s completion is reaching its end. 

“It’s been inspiring to watch Chris working toward his dreams over the past few years, and the tenacity and DIY spirit he displayed while bringing Shelby Oaks to life reminded me so much of my own journey over a decade ago,” Flanagan told Deadline. “It’s been an honor to walk a few steps with him on his path, and to offer support for Chris’ vision for his ambitious, unique movie. I can’t wait to see where he goes from here.”

Stuckmann says Intrepid Pictures has inspired him for years and, “it’s a dream come true to work with Mike and Trevor on my first feature.”

Producer Aaron B. Koontz of Paper Street Pictures has been working with Stuckmann since the beginning is also excited about the collaboration.

“For a film that had such a hard time getting going, it’s remarkable the doors that then opened to us,” said Koontz. “The success of our Kickstarter followed by the on-going leadership and guidance from Mike, Trevor, and Melinda is beyond anything I could have hoped for.”

Deadline describes the plot of Shelby Oaks as follows:

“A combination of documentary, found footage, and traditional film footage styles, Shelby Oaks centers on Mia’s (Camille Sullivan) frantic search for her sister, Riley, (Sarah Durn) who ominously disappeared in the last tape of her “Paranormal Paranoids” investigative series. As Mia’s obsession grows, she begins to suspect that the imaginary demon from Riley’s childhood may have been real.”

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