Written by Patti Pauley
The beautiful collaboration between the horror genre and holiday films is something you don’t have to look far to find. As a matter of fact, just about every Hallmark holiday we celebrate, we can find a horror movie that takes on the setting of said observant day. From New Year’s Evil, to Leprechaun, Krampus, and duh, John Carpenter’s Halloween, the genre gives us horror fans something to watch on those lazy days off from work, as we plop our asses in that comfortable indented Lazy Boy and observe these national holidays our way. And just as the genre of Holiday Horror has given us some of the best horror films this side of the nuthouse, the horror category has also given us some of the genre’s most unsettling monsters that we’ve ever seen on film- like the Jesus Easter Bunny.
All aboard the FUCK NO train to Easter Town!
With all the holiday horror films the genre has to offer up, Easter horror movies are pretty much slim to none, unless you’re looking deep within the Independent circuit which boasts such titles as Easter Sunday, and Beaster Day: Here Comes Peter CottonHell– seriously, check out these B-movie gems if you enjoy a good cheese-fest. However, when 2016’s horror anthology Holidays peaked its gory good-time head out into the public, we finally got the Easter horror we all goddamn deserve. Even if it’s just a segment within an anthology series, Holidays’ Easter spoonful of horror goodness directed by Nicolas McCarthy nails it like a successful crucifixion. The short story delivers in forever traumatizing your image of that cuddly pest that drops shit mounds of jelly beans in your yard with a clever story along with the scariest fuckin’ bunny I’ve ever seen in my damn life.
The Easter segment from Holidays combines both the religious aspect and fantasy that is the Spring holiday by infusing the Messiah and a rabbit into one hideous creation that is portrayed by Stranger Things own Demogorgon, Mark Steger. Steger’s mannerisms of a bunny from beyond are truly the stuff of nightmares as the story goes, a young girl happens to catch the Easter Bunny at work in her home, but instead of this bunny hiding eggs, the kiddo terrifyingly watches as this creature sprouts chicklets from its stigmata wounds. Just.. Holy fucks..
The Jees-ter Bunny catches wind that he is being watched and comes to face to bunny nose with the little onlooker, and the holiday icon commences to creep the shit out of the little girl by making her stick her fingers inside his rib wounds. Jesus bunny Christ, disturbing is really putting it mildly.
The short story even incorporates the religious ritual of partaking from the body of Christ when Jesus Cottontail informs the child that no one has ever laid eyes upon him, and in her doing so, requires her to take his place. The haunting rabbit then takes an Easter egg, instructs her to open her jaws, and places the egg in her mouth as some sort of rite of passage into becoming the legit Easter bunny.
If you’ve yet to see the segment, or hell the whole Holidays anthology yet, I urge you to skip the clip below and watch not only this portion in its entirety, but the full movie along with it which is currently streaming on Netflix. However, for those familiar but need a refresher, I give you an Easter treat packaged with nightmare fuel for days. Also, unless you kind of hate your kids, I would steer clear of letting them watch this.
So yeah, it’s fairly obvious here that Jesus Easter Bunny takes the thorned crown as holiday horror king for creepiest holiday monster. I may never look at bunnies the same way again, and unless you’ve seen Watership Down, you won’t either.