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Review: ‘Hundreds of Beavers’ is Unlike Anything You’ve Ever Seen

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Hundreds of Beavers

Hundreds of Beavers is a deliriously silly genre feature unlike anything you’ve seen before and  – likely – will ever see again.  From the minds behind Lake Michigan Monster, this black-and-white dialogue-free film is goofy, bold, and completely bonkers in all the best ways. 

The film tells the story of a drunken applejack salesman who must go from zero to hero to become North America’s greatest fur trapper by defeating hundreds of beavers. Set in the 19th century, it’s a sprawling winter epic filmed in subzero temperatures. With more than 1500 effects shots, the project took over 4 years from inception to completion.

Hundreds of Beavers

In 2023, creating a 108-minute “silent” photoplay is ballsy, but under the mindful eye of director and co-writer Mike Cheslik (editor and co-writer of Lake Michigan Monster), it actually pays off with a triumphant flare. You wouldn’t expect it to work, but dammit, somehow it does. 

The effects are accomplished through a combination of green screen and good ol’ fashioned practical movie magic. It’s incredible what they’re able to accomplish with big goals and a shoestring budget, reminiscent of the type of effects you’d see in Monty Python’s Flying Circus, but all in a period-friendly pastiche of the silent film era. 

The score – by Chris Ryan – perfectly fits the Looney Tunesical tone set by the film. Our fur-trapping hero, Jean Kayak, (played by co-writer Ryland Brickson Cole Tews) uses cartoon logic to hone his slapstick survival skills in a desperate attempt to just stay warm and get a good meal. The whole day-to-day ordeal is hilariously complicated; it’s a humbling (if not chaotic) reminder of how exhaustingly difficult it was to just stay alive. Of course, all played up to the umpteenth degree of absurdity. 

While there is no actual spoken dialogue in Hundreds of Beavers, there’s plenty of auditory reactions and sound gags that – along with Ryan’s score – allow the viewer to get completely lost in the story. You’d think that the lack of verbal conversation would become tedious, but it just becomes all the more impressive with how much they’re able to communicate with just a look or gesture. The film relies on physical comedy, and it does not let them down. 

Tews (who also directed, co-wrote, and starred in Lake Michigan Monster) carries the film on capable shoulders. He’s in every single scene – and the focus of every single scene – which is a responsibility he does not seem to take lightly. Tews has a thorough understanding of what he needs to do to sell each shot, and he gives it his all. It looks – at times – painful, particularly with the knowledge that this was filmed in the dead of winter. He suffers for his art with cold, bare feet in deep, wet snow. 

As with Lake Michigan Monster, the team of Cheslik and Tews have prepared a perfect cartoonish homage of a long-forgotten genre. You certainly would not expect a silent film era action-comedy to be effective, but Hundreds of Beavers takes that challenge with confidence.

Hundreds of Beavers is an utterly charming gonzo madcap romp packed to the brim with sight gags and chaotic comedy that sell the story all the way to its triumphant finale. You’ll laugh, you’ll laugh more, and you’ll wonder how the hell this humble stylistic masterpiece came into existence. 

To answer that question, stay tuned for my interview with director and co-writer Mike Cheslik and his co-writer and star Ryland Brickson Cole Tews. You can also Click Here to read my review of Lake Michigan Monster.

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Panic Fest 2024 Review: ‘Haunted Ulster Live’

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Everything old is new again.

On Halloween 1998, the local news of Northern Ireland decide to do a special live report from an allegedly haunted house in Belfast. Hosted by local personality Gerry Burns (Mark Claney) and popular children’s presenter Michelle Kelly (Aimee Richardson) they intend to look at the supernatural forces disturbing the current family living there. With legends and folklore abound, is there an actual spirit curse in the building or something far more insidious at work?

Presented as a series of found footage from a long forgotten broadcast, Haunted Ulster Live follows similar formats and premises as Ghostwatch and The WNUF Halloween Special with a news crew investigating the supernatural for big ratings only to get in over their heads. And while the plot has certainly been done before, director Dominic O’Neill’s 90’s set tale of local access horror manages to stand out on its own ghastly feet. The dynamic between Gerry and Michelle is most prominent, with him being an experienced broadcaster who thinks this production is beneath him and Michelle being fresh blood who is considerably annoyed at being presented as costumed eye candy. This builds as the events within and around the domicile becomes too much to ignore as anything less than the real deal.

The cast of characters is rounded out by the McKillen family who have been dealing with the haunting for some time and how it’s had an effect on them. Experts are brought in to help explain the situation including the paranormal investigator Robert (Dave Fleming) and the psychic Sarah (Antoinette Morelli) who bring their own perspectives and angles to the haunting. A long and colorful history is established about the house, with Robert discussing how it used to be the site of an ancient ceremonial stone, the center of leylines, and how it was possibly possessed by the ghost of a former owner named Mr. Newell. And local legends abound about a nefarious spirit named Blackfoot Jack that would leave trails of dark footprints in his wake. It’s a fun twist having multiple potential explanations for the site’s strange occurrences instead of one end-all be-all source. Especially as the events unfold and the investigators try to discover the truth.

At its 79 minute timelength, and the encompassing broadcast, it’s a bit of a slow burn as the characters and lore is established. Between some news interruptions and behind the scenes footage, the action is mostly focused on Gerry and Michelle and the build up to their actual encounters with forces beyond their comprehension. I will give kudos that it went places I didn’t expect, leading to a surprisingly poignant and spiritually horrifying third act.

So, while Haunted Ulster Live isn’t exactly trendsetting, it definitely follows in the footsteps of similar found footage and broadcast horror films to walk its own path. Making for an entertaining and compact piece of mockumentary. If you’re a fan of the sub-genres, Haunted Ulster Live is well worth a watch.

3 eyes out of 5
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Panic Fest 2024 Review: ‘Never Hike Alone 2’

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There are fewer icons more recognizable than the slasher. Freddy Krueger. Michael Myers. Victor Crowley. Notorious killers who always seem to come back for more no matter how many times they are slain or their franchises seemingly put to a final chapter or nightmare. And so it seems that even some legal disputes cannot stop one of the most memorable movie murderers of all: Jason Voorhees!

Following the events of the first Never Hike Alone, outdoorsman and YouTuber Kyle McLeod (Drew Leighty) has been hospitalized after his encounter with the long thought dead Jason Voorhees, saved by perhaps the hockey masked killer’s greatest adversary Tommy Jarvis (Thom Mathews) who now currently works as an EMT around Crystal Lake. Still haunted by Jason, Tommy Jarvis struggles to find a sense of stability and this latest encounter is pushing him to end the reign of Voorhees once and for all…

Never Hike Alone made a splash online as a well shot and thoughtful fan film continuation of the classic slasher franchise that was built up with the snowbound follow up Never Hike In The Snow and now climaxing with this direct sequel. It’s not only an incredible Friday The 13th love letter, but a well thought out and entertaining epilogue of sorts to the infamous ‘Tommy Jarvis Trilogy’ from within the franchise that encapsulated Friday The 13th Part IV: The Final Chapter, Friday The 13th Part V: A New Beginning, and Friday The 13th Part VI: Jason Lives. Even getting some of the original cast back as their characters to continue the tale! Thom Mathews being the most prominent as Tommy Jarvis, but with other series casting like Vincent Guastaferro returning as now Sheriff Rick Cologne and still having a bone to pick with Jarvis and the mess around Jason Voorhees. Even featuring some Friday The 13th alumni like Part III‘s Larry Zerner as the mayor of Crystal Lake!

On top of that, the movie delivers on kills and action. Taking turns that some of the previous fils never got the chance to deliver on. Most prominently, Jason Voorhees going on a rampage through Crystal Lake proper when he slices his way through a hospital! Creating a nice throughline of the mythology of Friday The 13th, Tommy Jarvis and the cast’s trauma, and Jason doing what he does best in the most cinematically gory ways possible.

The Never Hike Alone films from Womp Stomp Films and Vincente DiSanti are a testament to the fanbase of Friday The 13th and the still enduring popularity of those films and of Jason Voorhees. And while officially, no new movie in the franchise is on the horizon for the foreseeable future, at the very least there is some comfort knowing fans are willing to go to these lengths to fill the void.

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Panic Fest 2024 Review: ‘The Ceremony Is About To Begin’

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People will look for answers and belonging in the darkest places and the darkest people. The Osiris Collective is a commune predicated upon ancient Egyptian theology and was run by the mysterious Father Osiris. The group boasted dozens of members, each forgoing their old lives for one held in the Egyptian themed land owned by Osiris in Northern California. But the good times take a turn for the worst when in 2018, an upstart member of the collective named Anubis (Chad Westbrook Hinds) reports Osiris disappearing while mountain climbing and declaring himself the new leader. A schism ensued with many members leaving the cult under Anubis’ unhinged leadership. A documentary is being made by a young man named Keith (John Laird) whose fixation with The Osiris Collective stems from his girlfriend Maddy leaving him for the group several years ago. When Keith gets invited to document the commune by Anubis himself, he decides to investigate, only to get wrapped up in horrors he couldn’t even imagine…

The Ceremony Is About To Begin is the latest genre twisting horror film from Red Snow‘s Sean Nichols Lynch. This time tackling cultist horror along with a mockumentary style and the Egyptian mythology theme for the cherry on top. I was a big fan of Red Snow‘s subversiveness of the vampire romance sub-genre and was excited to see what this take would bring. While the movie has some interesting ideas and a decent tension between the meek Keith and the erratic Anubis, it just doesn’t exactly thread everything together in a succinct fashion.

The story begins with a true crime documentary style interviewing former members of The Osiris Collective and sets-up what led the cult to where it is now. This aspect of the storyline, especially Keith’s own personal interest in the cult, made it an interesting plotline. But aside from some clips later on, it doesn’t play as much a factor. The focus is largely on the dynamic between Anubis and Keith, which is toxic to put it lightly. Interestingly, Chad Westbrook Hinds and John Lairds are both credited as writers on The Ceremony Is About To Begin and definitely feel like they’re putting their all into these characters. Anubis is the very definition of a cult leader. Charismatic, philosophical, whimsical, and threateningly dangerous at the drop of a hat.

Yet strangely, the commune is deserted of all cult members. Creating a ghost town that only amps up the danger as Keith documents Anubis’ alleged utopia. A lot of the back and forth between them drags at times as they struggle for control and Anubis keeps continuing to convince Keith to stick around despite the threatening situation. This does lead to a pretty fun and bloody finale that fully leans into mummy horror.

Overall, despite meandering and having a bit of a slow pace, The ceremony Is About To Begin is a fairly entertaining cult, found footage, and mummy horror hybrid. If you want mummies, it delivers on mummies!

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