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Fab Five: The Best of Chopping Mall

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When Secure-Tronics introduced the Protector 101 series of security robots at the Park Plaza mall in 1986, they made one simple assertion — “Absolutely nothing can go wrong.”

They were incorrect.

Nonetheless, such sentiment unleashed a Radio Shack experiment gone bad. The bots were basically what would have happened had Johnny 5 and ED-209 made a love droid sprinkled with a stormtrooper’s blaster skills.

Oh, the fun that was had as a result.

Here are five of the finest aspects of Jim Wynorski’s Chopping Mall.

WALTER PAISLEY

It’s Dick Miller. Let’s be real, further elaboration isn’t necessary, but we’ll do it anyway. One of the great character actors of all-time, Miller has been referred to as “intensely funny” by Roger Corman, who of course is married to Chopping Mall producer Julie Corman.

As a mall janitor, Miller’s character went by a name we’ve grown quite familiar with over the years and was his typical, on-screen self. Cranky, tough, sarcastic and funny. When one of the Go-Bots knocked over his bucket of water he threatened to turn it into scrap metal before softening to show his ID. When that didn’t go as smoothly or quickly as he’d hoped, Miller attempted to drop the hammer with a mop handle before getting cooked.

Very quickly, though it had nothing to do with anything, but in a shot where Miller was chatting with some of his janitorial brethren, a shop can be seen in the background called Slavick’s Jewelers. Now, this was three years before Miller revealed his disdain for cul-de-sacs, but one can’t help but giggle that we got a kinda sorta reference to The ‘Burbsbecause we’re all aware that Miller is not only Corman’s boy, but Joe Dante’s, as well.

BASICALLY I SAID ‘EM, YEAH

Alright, so it was a reference from the original The Day the Earth Stood Still, but you can’t help but love the moment. I know it makes me smile from ear-to-ear every time I hear it. Mike Brennan (John Terlesky) was the prototypical ’80s beefcake — big hair, big muscles, big smile, constantly champing gum and a one-track mind. However, when Leslie Tood (Suzee Slater) asked him to wander off to get some post-coital smokes from the cigarette machine (ahhh, the ’80s), he was confronted with one of the rage-bots and it was just a classic moment. He offered up his ID for scan, but before pulling it away dropped “Klaatu, verada, nikto. Okay?” A nod to a sci-fi classic and perhaps inspiration for Bruce Campbell and Sam Raimi’s Army of Darkness. Regardless, it never gets old.

RICK, OLD BOY. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH YOUR…LIFE?

I doubt any of you missed the Friday the 13th Part 2 reference there, but just to be safe, Russell Todd not only portrayed Rick Stanton in Chopping Mall, but also Scott in the first sequel of the Camp Crystal Lake saga. He’d matured from harassing and firing slingshots at Terry’s derriere to married life, but didn’t handle it very well when his better half was taken out by the bots. Funny, because Todd’s Friday co-star Tom McBride proved he’d never be the head of a major corporation, and Rick followed suit, jumping on a transport cart like Austin Powers for a five-foot trek only to be electrocuted almost immediately. I guess he just couldn’t stand the thought of life without his bride.

TOUGH TRIO

These were not your typical high school horror girls. Alright, so Barbara Crampton played fun-loving and sexed-up to perfection, but about the time Leslie lost her head, Crampton went off the deep end.

However, Linda Stanton (Karrie Emerson) was anything but the throw-away female character whose only requirement was to show her breasts and die a memorable death. No, Linda was resourceful and thought on her feet. She fixed her truck when her husband couldn’t and taught the other ladies how to create some bombastic Molotov cocktails in the hardware store. Linda would have made a fine final girl, indeed.

If it weren’t for Alison Parks (Kelli Maroney). While it’s true her character was hesitant to go to the furniture store party, she felt a connection with Ferdy (Tony O’Dell) and even allowed the bespectacled wonder to reach first base in a sweet, Stacy Hamilton / Mark Ratner, Fast Times moment. However, she never lost her edge. I mean, she was a Marine’s kid. Not only was she the Steph Curry of final girls, it was altogether fitting that she’d drop the Schwarzenegger-level, “Have a nice day” one-liner before blowing the final bot to bits at the Sherman Oaks Galleria, the very same mall where scenes for Commando were filmed.

Nice shot.

PECKINPAH’S!

Report from the front: Ferdy’s got a worry.

Everything about this scene is just amazing. The boys decide that they need to make a stand and head to the sporting goods store for some weaponry. From Rambo-grams to the camera tilt revealing a group of would-be badasses, it’s just pure magic.

BONUS

After Alison slipped the spiders and snakes and scooted out of the pet store, the camera panned to reveal the name of the establishment — Roger’s Little Shop of Pets.

Bloody. Brilliant.

Chopping Mall is well stocked with memorable moments, so please don’t be shy and shares yours in the comments section below.

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Watch ‘Immaculate’ At Home Right Now

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Just when we thought 2024 was going to be a horror movie wasteland, we got a few good ones in succession, Late Night With the Devil and Immaculate. The former will be available on Shudder starting April 19, the latter just had a surprise drop on digital ($19.99) today and will be getting physical on June 11.

The film stars Sydney Sweeney fresh off her success in the rom-com Anyone but You. In Immaculate, she plays a young nun named Cecilia, who travels to Italy to serve in a convent. Once there, she slowly unravels a mystery about the holy place and what role she plays in their methods.

Thanks to word of mouth and some favorable reviews, the movie has earned over $15 million domestically. Sweeney, who also produces, has waited a decade to get the film made. She purchased the rights to the screenplay, reworked it, and made the film we see today.

The movie’s controversial final scene wasn’t in the original screenplay, director Michael Mohan added it later and said, “It is my proudest directorial moment because it is exactly how I pictured it. “

Whether you go out to see it while it’s still in theaters or rent it from the convenience of your couch, let us know what you think of Immaculate and the controversy surrounding it.

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Politician Spooked By ‘First Omen’ Promo Mailer Calls Police

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Incredibly, what some people thought they would get with an Omen prequel turned out to be better than anticipated. Maybe it’s partly due to a good PR campaign. Maybe not. At least it wasn’t for a pro-choice Missouri politician and film blogger Amanda Taylor who received a suspicious mailer from the studio ahead of The First Omen’s theatrical release.

Taylor, a Democrat running for Missouri’s House of Representatives, must be on Disney’s PR list because she received some eerie promo merch from the studio to publicize The First Omen, a direct prequel to the 1975 original. Usually, a good mailer is supposed to pique your interest in a film not send you running to the phone to call the police. 

According to THR, Taylor opened the package and inside were disturbing children’s drawings related to the film that freaked her out. It’s understandable; being a female politician against abortion it’s no telling what kind of threatening hate mail you’re going to get or what might be construed as a threat. 

“I was freaking out. My husband touched it, so I’m screaming at him to wash his hands,” Taylor told THR.

Marshall Weinbaum, who does Disney’s public relations campaigns says he got the idea for the cryptic letters because in the movie, “there are these creepy drawings of little girls with their faces crossed out, so I got this idea to print them out and mail them to the press.”

The studio, maybe realizing the idea wasn’t their best move, sent out a follow-up letter explaining that it was all in good fun to promote The First Omen. “Most people had fun with it,” adds Weinbaum.

While we can understand her initial shock and concern being a politician running on a controversial ticket, we have to wonder as a film enthusiast, why she wouldn’t recognize a crazy PR stunt. 

Perhaps in this day and age, you can’t be too careful. 

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A24 Joins Blockbuster Movie Club With Their Biggest Opening Ever

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Everyone welcome A24 to the big leagues! Their latest film Civil War has broken a few records over the weekend. First, it’s the highest-grossing R-rated film of the year. Second, it’s the highest-grossing opening weekend A24 film ever. 

Although reviews of the action film are polarizing, it certainly captured the curiosity of moviegoers. Even if the ambiguous screenplay didn’t blow them away, they seemed to find it entertaining. Furthermore, a lot of ticket buyers lauded the film’s sound design and IMAX presentation. 

While not a straight-out horror movie, it does weave a thread on the hem of the genre thanks to its disturbing subject matter and graphic violence. 

It’s about time A24 came out of the independent movie trenches and into the blockbuster category. While their features are embraced by a niche group, it was time they swung for the fences to generate a bigger payday to compete with behemoth studios such as Warner Bros. and Universal who have been making money hand over fist over the past few years. 

While Civil War’s $25 million opening isn’t exactly a windfall in blockbuster terms it’s still solid enough in the mainstream movie-going climate to predict further success, if not by word of mouth, then by curiosity. 

A24’s biggest money maker to date is Everything Everywhere All at Once with an over $77 million domestic haul. Then it’s Talk to Me with over $48 million domestically. 

It’s not all good news. The film was made in-house for $50 million so if it tanks by week two, it could turn into a box office failure. That could be a possibility as the guys behind the Scream reboot, Radio Silence, will be on the marquee themselves for their vampire flick Abigail on April 19. That film has already generated some good buzz.

Even worse for Civil War, Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone’s own actioneer The Fall Guy is ready to usurp Civil War’s IMAX real estate on May 3. 

Whatever happens, A24 has proven over the weekend that with the right subject matter, an increased budget, and a streamlined ad campaign, they have now entered the blockbuster chat.

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