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The Next Slithery Chapter of ‘Anaconda’ May Have a Meta Approach

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Well, it sounds like we will be receiving even more Anaconda soon. Jeff Sneider of The Hot Mic Video Podcast shared some very exciting news for big killer snake fans everywhere. And what isn’t to love about these extremely cheesy and yet, adventure-filled films? Ever since Jennifer Lopez and Jon Voight faced off against each other and a bunch of giant killer snakes audiences have hungered for more.

According to Tom Gormican the writer behind The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent, the very meta take on Nicolas Cage, he is currently working on writing a reboot for Anaconda. What is most interesting is that it appears that Gormican is going to bring some of that meta-sensibility to the next slithery chapter.

“Anaconda is going to be a meta-movie. And from what I understand it’ll be something close to this… this isn’t the actual logline… it’s going to involve an actor or actors playing loose fictional versions of themselves who go off to make an ‘Anaconda’ movie. All hell breaks loose.” Gormican said.

Of course, this is still very early on in the process. Especially with Gormican still penning the script and actively putting things together. Plus, who isn’t going to love real-life versions of the actors they are playing battling snakes? Gormican has already worked with Cage… I’m just throwing my vote out there but why not have Cage come along and play himself in the next Anaconda film?

Wes Craven did a fantastic job with his New Nightmare. He was thinking years beyond the times he lived in but that is exactly the meta approach that Craven took.

Anaconda

1997’s Anaconda synopsis went like this:

Filmmaker Terri Flores (Jennifer Lopez) is traveling deep in the Amazon jungle looking for a forgotten tribe. Terri and her crew, which includes an anthropologist (Eric Stoltz) and a cameraman (Ice Cube), come across Paul (Jon Voight), who is stranded on the riverbank. He offers to help them find the tribe, but his secretive behavior puts everyone on edge. They realize too late that he’s using them to find a legendary anaconda that’s worth a fortune — if they can catch it.

We are very excited about Gormican’s announcement and are fully supportive of this becoming a feature-length film soon. I wonder if they could even bring back the original cast to play themselves in that manner. Regardless of what they come up with, we are already thrilled about the prospect of delving back into those perilous, snake-filled waters.

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Editorial

Alleged Former Haunted Museum Staff Member Tattles on Zak Bagans

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Zak Bagans has been getting a bum rap lately thanks to some of his former Ghost Adventures teammates. But he’s also getting roasted by one of his alleged former Haunted Museum employees in Las Vegas

The apparent team member took to Reddit in an AMA (Ask Me Anything), inviting subscribers to ask them about their job including juicy details regarding their famous boss. It resulted in a windfall of queries that came with some surprising answers. 

Bagans was one of the first to take his ghost hunting prowess to television creating a successful reality show that featured some of the world’s most haunted places. Coupled with his good looks, reactive histrionics and penchant for building tension Ghost Adventures became a pop culture phenomenon. 

Throughout his travels, Bagans began to collect cursed items enough to fill a vintage house in Nevada which he eventually repurposed and named The Haunted Museum. Guests are able to visit his collection for a fee and are directed through its many rooms by a tour guide.

The YouTube channel TheSneezingMonkey featured the AMA Reddit thread on his channel with an update to follow.

Since the ex-employee cannot, or won’t, be verified, suffice it to say that nothing revealed in the lengthy discussion should be taken as fact. This could be a disgruntled ex-employee with nothing better to do than talk smack about the television icon who has managed to keep his show on the air for 16 years. Or, some of it could be true.

But that is for you to decide.

The Sneezing Monkey

The Sneezing Monkey

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Movies

Stephen King’s ‘The Monkey’ Sells to Neon, James Wan Co-Producing

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Pretty much any piece of writing from Stephen King is ripe for a movie adaptation. The next one is a 1980 short story that appeared in his 1985 anthology Skeleton Crew, specifically The Monkey. The news broke by Deadline says Neon won the bidding war and the film will release in 2025.

Distributors went gaga trying to secure the rights with Neon the victor reportedly paying seven figures for the horror movie.

According to Deadline: “In The Monkey, when twin brothers Hal and Bill discover their father’s old monkey toy in the attic, a series of gruesome deaths starts occurring all around them. The brothers decide to throw the monkey away and move on with their lives, growing apart over the years. But when the mysterious deaths begin again, the brothers must reunite to find a way to destroy the monkey for good before it takes the lives of everyone close to them. Theo James plays the twins in later years. [Christian] Convery plays the younger twins.”

The film is directed by Osgood (Oz) Perkins whose buzz-drunk current project, Longlegs is releasing on July 12.

The film also stars, Tatiana Maslany (She–Hulk: Attorney at Law), Elijah Wood (The Lord Of The Rings), Colin O’Brien (Wonka), Rohan Campbell (The Hardy Boys) and Sarah Levy (Schitt’s Creek).

James Wan and Michael Clear’s banner Atomic Robot have a production credit.

In 2023 a short film directed by Spencer Sherry was adapted from the King story. That film is currently touring the film festival market but you can watch the trailer below.

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Lists

Yay or Nay: What’s Good and Bad in Horror This Week: 5/13 to 5/17

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Yay

Fall is getting not one but two sequels. It’s great news because now we know bad CGI can be consciously ignored when everything else is so great. 

Yay

A man is labeled a time traveler after allegedly entering a garden shed in his 30s and exiting the next day in his 60s. If the magic is true we can finally go back and talk to Jason Blum right after Paranormal Activity and make him promise to never to touch an Exorcist movie. 

Nay

The Coffee Table. This may be the first time we have suggested spoiling a film before actually seeing it. Wait. Maybe we spoiled Old by suggesting you don’t go see it. 

Nay

Prolific B moviemaker Roger Corman passes away at 98. He gave many actors and directors a chance in Hollywood, some would go on to win major awards. His films were outrageous, often gratuitous but always filled with heart. 

Yay

Clown Motel becomes a trilogy. Cheap Indy horror filmmakers aren’t micromanaged by rich and powerful studio execs so they can have fun with their material, and what better place to exercise that freedom than at a creepy desert motel in Nevada lorded over by hundreds of clowns. 

Nay

A Jason Universe is announced which promises many lateral “activations” in the Friday the 13th universe. Although the definition of said “activations” is never fully explained it leads us to believe it was a typo for “transactions” so Fortnite players scan by a Jason skin wearing a non-IP regulation hockey mask. 

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