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Horror Movie Review: ‘Sharknado’ (2013)

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Sharknado.

The very name elicits squeals of delight from the cult and B horror movie fans because really, everyone knows exactly what kind of film needs to be attached to a title like Sharknado. It is going to be so-bad-its-good film with some silly shark-related gore in it, and we are going to be treated to some ridiculous flying sharks. The question then is: did we get the film we all expected or did it not live up to the lofty expectations attached to it.

Distributed by The Asylum, and directed by Anthony C. Ferrante (Boo and Scream of the Banshee), Sharknado is a film about a freak Pacific hurricane driving thousands of sharks north toward Los Angeles. The hurricane brings flooding to L.A. with both water and super aggressive sharks (angered by the finning of their brethren for soup) pouring into the city. This leads our heroes Finley “Fin” Shepard (Ian Ziering), an ex-surfer turned bar owner, Nova (Cassie Scerbo), the plucky young bartender who hates sharks, and Fin’s Aussie best friend Baz (Jaason Simmons), to head inland to try and get away from the rising waters and save Fin’s estranged wife April (Tara Reid), son Matt (Chuck Hittinger), and daughter Claudia (Aubrey Peeples) from the encroaching shark-infested waters.

Before we get to Fin’s ex-wife’s house (and the problems created therein), it bears mentioning that there are lots of shark attacks early in the film: sharks mauling surfers on the beach, sharks leaping and ripping evil fishermen apart, but there are no sharknados yet. This, my friends, you have to wait for, and make do with sharks flopping out of waves and swimming up roads to eat people and ravage the city.

As our heroes get to the house, we meet April’s new boyfriend Colin, who is pretty pointless, and thankfully short-lived, and we are introduced to what is essentially the major flaw that keeps Sharknado from being as flat-out fun as it could have been: Fin’s ex-wife and daughter.

While it would be easy to blame the acting, as with many b-movies, the performances in Sharknado are (mostly) hit and miss, but that is very much not the case here. The characters of April and Claudia are so beyond irritating—as written– that it is hard for us to believe that Fin is so motivated to save them and that is a problem with the script itself. His desire to protect his son Matt is understandable; Matt immediately comes off as a great dude, who also flies helicopters (win), and seems worth Fin’s time and effort in saving. Fin’s ex-wife and daughter, however, spend their time in the film doing their absolute best to slow the plot down, make Fin feel like he is a bad person for trying to save a BUS FULL OF CHILDREN, or narrating what is happening on screen for us by complaining that the heroes are not doing something properly, or fast enough while doing nothing themselves.  This makes all of Tara Reid and Aubrey Peeples’ screen time an exercise in making the audience wish that a shark would fall from the sky and eat their characters already.

Speaking of sharks falling from the sky, when we get to the titular sharknadoes, thankfully, they do not disappoint. As if the concept is not b-movie awesome enough,  it is decided that the best way for our heroes to deal with a water spout sucking up and hurling sharks around Los Angeles is with bombs.

Yes. Bombs. It is exactly as ridiculous and entertaining as that sounds.

In the interest of not spoiling anything for those of you who are seeing Sharknado for the first time, we will leave the plot there. Rest assured, however, there is an absolutely amazing ending that will have you giddily laughing, as it (almost) makes getting through the near-unbearable characters (April and Claudia) worth it.

There are some fun smaller roles in Sharknado, including John Heard (Kevin’s dad from Home Alone) as a drunk who fights sharks with his bar stool, and Robbie Rist as the school bus driver, but the film primarily focuses on the main group and is the better for it. While there are a lot of dead extras (a staple of B-horror), so you do not have to worry about not having enough fun, shark-related killings (there is even a red-shirt for the Star Trek fans), the plots’ focus on one group helps to…well it seems wrong to say “keep Sharknado believable”, but it does keep the film grounded in a story that however ridiculous, remains personal, rather than becoming too wide-reaching and scattered for its’ own good.

If you are thinking about seeing Sharknado for the first time, particularly during Sharknado Week, here at the end of July 2014, then I would say that if what you have just read sounds interesting to you, you will enjoy yourself. As with most B-Movies, Sharknado can be an exercise in just accepting what is going on, and looking past the myriad of little mistakes, but for the B-Movie fan, there is a lot here to enjoy. If you have just stumbled across Sharknado because of the hype, but are not into B-movies at all, well…you will get exactly what you expect from this film, and nothing more. Regardless, go into Sharknado with low expectations and with the idea of having a good time mocking the movie as it goes, and you will enjoy yourself.

Then get ready for Sharknado 2: The Second One premiering July 30, 2014, on SyFy; the Sharknado is coming for New York, and this time…it’s in New York.

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‘Skinwalkers: American Werewolves 2’ is Packed with Cryptid Tales [Movie Review]

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The Skinwalkers Werewolves

As a longtime werewolf enthusiast, I’m immediately drawn to anything featuring the word “werewolf”. Adding Skinwalkers into the mix? Now, you’ve truly captured my interest. Needless to say, I was thrilled to check out Small Town Monsters’ new documentary ‘Skinwalkers: American Werewolves 2’. Below is the synopsis:

“Across the four corners of the American Southwest, there is said to exist an ancient, supernatural evil that preys on the fear of its victims to gain greater power. Now, witnesses lift the veil on the most terrifying encounters with modern-day werewolves ever heard. These stories intertwine legends of upright canids with hellhounds, poltergeists, and even the mythical Skinwalker, promising true terror.”

The Skinwalkers: American Werewolves 2

Centered around shapeshifting and told through firsthand accounts from the Southwest, the film brims with chilling stories. (Note: iHorror has not independently verified any claims made in the film.) These narratives are the heart of the film’s entertainment value. Despite the mostly basic backdrops and transitions—notably lacking in special effects—the film maintains a steady pace, thanks largely to its focus on witness accounts.

While the documentary lacks concrete evidence to support the tales, it remains a captivating watch, especially for cryptid enthusiasts. Skeptics may not be converted, but the stories are intriguing.

After watching, am I convinced? Not entirely. Did it make me question my reality for a while? Absolutely. And isn’t that, after all, part of the fun?

‘Skinwalkers: American Werewolves 2’ is now available on VOD and Digital HD, with Blu-ray and DVD formats offered exclusively by Small Town Monsters.

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‘Slay’ is Wonderful, It’s Like if ‘From Dusk Till Dawn’ Met ‘Too Wong Foo’

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Slay Horror Movie

Before you dismiss Slay as a gimmick, we can tell you, it is. But it’s a damn good one. 

Four drag queens are mistakenly booked at a stereotypical biker bar in the desert where they have to combat bigots…and vampires. You read that right. Think, Too Wong Foo at the Titty Twister. Even if you don’t get those references, you will still have a good time.

Before you sashay away from this Tubi offering, here is why you shouldn’t. It’s surprisingly funny and manages to have a few scary moments along the way. It’s a midnight movie at its core and if those bookings were still a thing, Slay would probably have a successful run. 

The premise is simple, again, four drag queens played by Trinity the Tuck, Heidi N Closet, Crystal Methyd, and Cara Mell find themselves at a biker bar unaware that an alpha vampire is on the loose in the woods and has already bitten one of the townsfolk. The turned man makes his way to the old roadside saloon and begins turning the patrons into the undead right in the middle of the drag show. The queens, along with the local barflies, barricade themselves inside the bar and must defend themselves against the growing hoard outside.

“Slay”

The contrast between the denim and leather of the bikers, and the ball gowns and Swarovski crystals of the queens, is a sight gag I can appreciate. During the whole ordeal, none of the queens gets out of costume or sheds their drag personas except at the beginning. You forget they have other lives outside of their costumes.

All four of the leading ladies have had their time on Ru Paul’s Drag Race, But Slay is a lot more polished than a Drag Race acting challenge, and the leads elevate the camp when called for and tone it down when necessary. It is a well-balanced scale of comedy and horror.

Trinity the Tuck is primed with one-liners and double entendres which rat-a-tat from her mouth in gleeful succession. It’s not a cringy screenplay so every joke lands naturally with a required beat and professional timing.

There is one questionable joke made by a biker about who comes from Transylvania and it isn’t the highest brow but it doesn’t feel like punching down either. 

This might be the guiltiest pleasure of the year! It’s hilarious! 

Slay

Heidi N Closet is surprisingly well cast. It’s not that it’s surprising to see she can act, it’s just most people know her from Drag Race which doesn’t allow much range. Comically she’s on fire. In one scene she flips her hair behind her ear with a large baguette and then uses it as a weapon. The garlic, you see. It’s surprises like that that make this film so charming. 

The weaker actor here is Methyd who plays the dimwitted Bella Da Boys. Her creaky performance shaves a little off the rhythm but the other ladies take up her slack so it just becomes part of the chemistry.

Slay has some great special effects too. Despite using CGI blood, none of them take you out of the element. Some great work went into this movie from everyone involved.

The vampire rules are the same, stake through the heart, sunlight., etc. But what’s really neat is when the monsters are killed, they explode into a glitter-tinted dust cloud. 

It’s just as fun and silly as any Robert Rodriguez movie with probably a quarter of his budget. 

Director Jem Garrard keeps everything going at a rapid pace. She even throws in a dramatic twist which is played with as much seriousness as a soap opera, but it does pack a punch thanks to Trinity and Cara Melle. Oh, and they manage to squeeze in a message about hate during it all. Not a smooth transition but even the lumps in this film are made of buttercream.

Another twist, handled much more delicately is better thanks to veteran actor Neil Sandilands. I’m not going to spoil anything but let’s just say there are plenty of twists and, ahem, turns, which all add to the fun. 

Robyn Scott who plays barmaid Shiela is the standout comedian here. Her lines and gusto provide the most belly laughs. There should be a special award for her performance alone.

Slay is a delicious recipe with just the right amount of camp, gore, action, and originality. It’s the best horror comedy to come along in a while.

It’s no secret that independent films have to do a lot more for less. When they are this good it’s a reminder that big studios could be doing better.

With movies like Slay, every penny counts and just because the paychecks might be smaller it doesn’t mean the final product has to be. When the talent puts this much effort into a film, they deserve more, even if that recognition comes in the form of a review. Sometimes smaller movies like Slay have hearts too big for an IMAX screen.

And that’s the tea. 

You can stream Slay on Tubi right now.

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Review: Is There ‘No Way Up’ For This Shark Film?

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A flock of birds flies into the jet engine of a commercial airliner making it crash into the ocean with only a handful of survivors tasked with escaping the sinking plane while also enduring depleting oxygen and nasty sharks in No Way Up. But does this low-budget film rise above its shopworn monster trope or sink beneath the weight of its shoestring budget?

First, this film obviously isn’t on the level of another popular survival film, Society of the Snow, but surprisingly it isn’t Sharknado either. You can tell a lot of good direction went into making it and its stars are up for the task. The histrionics are kept at a bare minimum and unfortunately the same can be said about the suspense. That isn’t to say that No Way Up is a limp noodle, there is plenty here to keep you watching until the end, even if the last two minutes is offensive to your suspension of disbelief.

Let’s start with the good. No Way Up has plenty of good acting, especially from its lead Sophie McIntosh who plays Ava, a rich governor’s daughter with a heart of gold. Inside, she is struggling with the memory of her mother’s drowning and is never far from her overprotective older bodyguard Brandon played with nannyish diligence by Colm Meaney. McIntosh doesn’t reduce herself to the size of a B-movie, she is fully committed and gives a strong performance even if the material is trodden.

No Way Up

Another standout is Grace Nettle playing the 12-year-old Rosa who is traveling with her grandparents Hank (James Caroll Jordan) and Mardy (Phyllis Logan). Nettle doesn’t reduce her character to a delicate tween. She’s scared yes, but she also has some input and pretty good advice about surviving the situation.

Will Attenborough plays the unfiltered Kyle who I imagine was there for comic relief, but the young actor never successfully tempers his meanness with nuance, therefore he just comes across as a die-cut archetypical asshole inserted to complete the diverse ensemble.

Rounding out the cast is Manuel Pacific who plays Danilo the flight attendant who is the mark of Kyle’s homophobic aggressions. That whole interaction feels a bit outdated, but again Attenborough hasn’t fleshed out his character well enough to warrant any.

No Way Up

Continuing on with what is good in the film are the special effects. The plane crash scene, as they always are, is terrifying and realistic. Director Claudio Fäh has spared no expense in that department. You have seen it all before, but here, since you know they are crashing into the Pacific it’s more tense and when the plane hits the water you’ll wonder how they did it.

As for the sharks they are equally impressive. It’s hard to tell if they used live ones. There are no hints of CGI, no uncanny valley to speak of and the fish are genuinely threatening, although they don’t get the screentime you might be expecting.

Now with the bad. No Way Up is a great idea on paper, but the reality is something like this couldn’t happen in real life, especially with a jumbo jet crashing into the Pacific Ocean at such a fast speed. And even though the director has successfully made it seem like it could happen, there are so many factors that just don’t make sense when you think about it. Underwater air pressure is the first to come to mind.

It also lacks a cinematic polish. It has this straight-to-video feel, but the effects are so good that you can’t help but feel the cinematography, especially inside the plane should have been slightly elevated. But I’m being pedantic, No Way Up is a good time.

The ending doesn’t quite live up to the film’s potential and you will be questioning the limits of the human respiratory system, but again, that’s nitpicking.

Overall, No Way Up is a great way to spend an evening watching a survival horror movie with the family. There are some bloody images, but nothing too bad, and the shark scenes can be mildly intense. It is rated R on the low end.

No Way Up might not be the “next great shark” movie, but it is a thrilling drama that rises above the other chum so easily thrown into the waters of Hollywood thanks to the dedication of its stars and believable special effects.

No Way Up is now available to rent on digital platforms.

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