Think back to when you were a youngling. It was a time of the unnecessary belt with the leotards, the beta video, the jelly flats, and twisted people in the film industry trying to scar us with David Bowie’s huge bulge- Thanks for the unrealistic expectations Jareth. If you think back to some of our beloved movies from adolescence, there were some pretty dark and twisted shit going on there.

 

Now, grant it, I grew up in a tough household where horror movies were thrown at me at an early age. It was sit down, shut up and watch Dream Master. Oh, and here’s an Ecto Cooler if you get thirsty. Strange thing with that is this: Freddy Krueger NEVER scared me as a child. As a matter of fact, I thought the man was pure comic relief, even in the early films. However, there were times when I sat down to a watch a so called family friendly flick, I ended up sitting back and thinking ” Ok, what in the actual fuck and why am I getting the skeevies by this?”  Those early films for us were pure nightmare fuel, and because we all love to hold on to a little bit of our childhood, let’s take a look below at this UNRANKED list of nightmare nostalgia.

 

 

The Witches

 

Alrighty, let’s talk about this this 1990 twisted gem. Anjelica Huston successfully scared the piss out of me when I was a child as the Grand High Witch. I mean, the way she looked alone was something straight of a horror flick- bravo Jim Henson. The Witches is adapted from Roald Dahl’s book of the same name, and it’s important here to point out all of his books always bordered on the creep factor. The story of a nation of witches who mean to bring an end to disgusting little childrens by turning them all into mice with enchanted chocolate, certainly made me think twice about that Hersheys bar. How’s that for a mind fuck.

 

 

Legend

 

 

Tim Curry is an absolute delight and submerges himself fully into any role- including Darkness. Sure we got unicorns, Tom Cruise with luscious locks, fairies… then this guy. Fucken hell. The movie, directed by Ridley Scott, is a fantasy dream at first but gets dark fairly quick. Even so, you give a guy famous for aliens bursting out of chests a family fantasy at his disposal; This is the result. A precursor to Pennywise perhaps? The Curry plays evil way too well.

 

 

The Dark Crystal

 

Those goddamn bird creatures are the absolute bane of my existence. When Jim Henson strayed from his infamous Muppets, he went to a completely different realm of what the fuck.  I’m not knocking it all, I personally love all these films. The Dark Crystal is exactly that. DARK and unsettling. Especially to that of a four year old watching a gang of these Skeksis, as they are referred, tear apart one of their own in a brutal fashion. Thanks for the sleepless nights creature shop.

 

 

The Secret Of Nimh

 

 

Oh yes, even animation can be a whole tank of nightmare fuel. An animal lover such as myself, can find this movie extremely disturbing. Aside from all the beautifully dark imagery, the underlying tale of NIMH is sufficiently evil all on it’s own. Touching on the very real animal testing issue, rats and mice were taken to the NIMH labs and injected with a needles full of fuck knows what. One of these experiments led to their advanced intelligence and eventual escape, which brings us into a another terrifying tale revolving around the struggles of love, betrayal and ultimate power. Epic film, but I’d think twice showing it to a skittish toddler.

 

 

The Labyrinth

Oh Jareth, how I love your cruelty! Being the oldest, there were many times I wished for the disappearance of my younger siblings. The Goblin King, giving Sarah her wish to have her little brother taken away by the goblins came to light, much to the surprise- and dismay of our heroine. Dodging the bog of eternal stench, strange creatures and Jareth’s charm all along the way, Sarah sets out to save her infant brother. This one borders more on the creep factor rather than scaring the crap out of you with it’s twisted cinematography and Bowie’s performance of a powerful, no bullshit-taking ruler is one that won’t be forgotten anytime soon.

 

 

The Return To Oz

 

 

Holy hell, where do I even begin with this little treasure. Floating, screaming heads, a ten foot tall walking Jack O Lantern, a headless witch that will take yours, the Gnome King, and of course- The Wheelers. If you’ve ever happened to pick up any of the original OZ books, they really aren’t too far off from this- Making this addition probably the one that rings most true to the infamous Frank L. Baum stories. Within the first 15 minutes, Dorothy is dragged off to a mental institution for some shock therapy. Oh, what’s that a talking Lion? Come on Dorothy, let’s take a ride. That’ll teach you to talk about your fantasy worlds to adults.

 

 

Clash Of The Titans (1981)

 

 

Maybe this one is a slight stretch in the realm of  children’s films, but seeing Medusa in those awesomely awful special effects that cradle Titans, scared the crap out of me when I was a kid. However, despite the sometimes-creaky effects, the movie is actually kind of creepy. I mean just take a look at those scorpions and the Kraken – Shudders.

 

 

Now that we’re done walking through nostalgic nightmare memory lane, was there a particular kids film that crossed your comfort zone with you as a child? Let us know below! Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve hit that nostalgic chord within myself and need a little crotch hugging Bowie in my life.

 

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