“My name is Patrick Bateman. I’m 27 years old. I believe in taking care of myself and a balanced diet and rigorous exercise routine. In the morning if my face is a little puffy I’ll put on an ice pack while doing stomach crunches. I can do 1000 now. After I remove the ice pack I use a deep pore cleanser lotion. In the shower I use a water activated gel cleanser, then a honey almond body scrub, and on the face an exfoliating gel scrub. Then I apply an herb-mint facial mask which I leave on for 10 minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine. I always use an after shave lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older. Then moisturizer, then an anti-aging eye balm followed by a final moisturizing protective lotion.”
To fans of the modern horror classic American Psycho, the above is but one of several memorable monologues uttered by lead character Patrick Bateman (Christian Bale). While the film itself does not 100% clarify whether Bateman’s murders were real or simply the fantasies of a man that had been mentally broken by his unfulfilling existence, one thing that isn’t really up for debate is that he is – at least on the surface level – an impeccably cool guy. He wears tailored suits, he drives fancy cars, he has a beautiful apartment, and he eats at only the finest restaurants. At least when a reservation to Dorsia is available.
Clearly seeking to capitalize on the outward marketability of Bateman’s persona is the company Bateman Skincare. While the Bateman Skincare product line does not appear to be officially tied to American Psycho, it is quite clearly inspired by the film, as one can see with even a cursory glance at their website.
The three products they currently sell are a Rose Hip + Seaweed Facial Cleanser, a Daily Hyaluronic Cream, and a Daily Hyaluronic Serum. I’m not entirely sure what all of those things are, but I assume Patrick would approve, as he’s far more sophisticated than I. Now if only there were a way to complete one’s psychical transformation into Bateman that didn’t require spending hours at the gym every day doing ab exercises.