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5 HORROR FILMS THAT WILL MAKE YOU NEVER WANT TO HAVE KIDS

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Written by Shannon McGrew

I’ll be the first to admit, when it comes to kids, I’m not the biggest fan of them.  Sure, every once and awhile you find that one that’s the exception, but for the most part, they are quite a handful.  Whenever I find myself watching a horror film and the narrative immediately begins to insinuate that a child may be demonic or evil, it immediately reinforces why I don’t want to have children.  I mean, you have to admit, at times they can be scary and I’m not going to apologize for that because hello, have you seen THE OMEN?  These children of the night will stop at nothing when it comes to destroying every bit of joy and happiness that may dwell inside of you.

We are all familiar with the classic evil children from VILLAGE OF THE DAMNED and CHILDREN OF THE CORN, to the anti-Christ in ROSEMARY’S BABY, but I wanted to touch upon a few films that don’t get quite as much attention in the “killer children” genre as they should.  If you love the frightening notion of demonic spawns or child serial killers running amok, then these 5 HORROR FILMS THAT WILL MAKE YOU NEVER WANT TO HAVE KIDS will be right up your alley; who knows, it may even inspire you to want a family of your own.

THE GOOD SON (1993)

the-good-son

I love this film for so many reasons, but at the end of the day, it’s a chilling reminder that kids can be just as sadistic as adults.  For those not familiar with THE GOOD SON (and shame on you for not knowing about this movie!!) the film revolved around a young boy, played by Elijah Wood, who stays with his aunt and uncle and befriends his cousin, played by Macaulay Culkin, who starts to show horrifying signs of violent behavior.

This movie is so good, so so so good, and gives viewers incredible performances by both Elijah Wood and Macaulay Culkin.  It’s one of those rare films that still makes me feel uncomfortable after every time I watch it. We are so often presented with children that are either perfect angels or cute troublemakers that when we watch a film such as this, it’s almost like being thrown into a bathtub of cold water, especially because the film seems so realistic.  Though this movie came out 23 years ago, it still holds up to the test of time as being one of the best films that depicts the horrors that children are capable of.

JOSHUA (2007)

joshua

It’s been a few years since I’ve seen this film but as soon as I started researching it again it brought back memories of how f*cked up this movie really is.  Remember being an only child, how awesome it was to have the love and adoration from your parents?  Then came the talk, that mom was going to have another child and, if you were old enough like I was, you felt that twinge of jealousy.  Most, if not all of us, would learn to look past that, but not Joshua.  Not one bit.

JOSHUA centers around the Cairn family and the announcement of the arrival of a baby girl.  Joshua, who’s already proved to be an eccentric and unusual boy, starts to show more sinister motives.  This is a film that gets under your skin early on and never lets go.  It also does a great job of showing you how evil someone can be, regardless of age, One scene in particular that I was reminded of had to do with Joshua cutting up rats for dissection purposes.  When a kid starts to kill animals for his own enjoyment, that’s usually a giant red flag that things are not about to go well.

ORPHAN (2009)

orphan

Some could argue that this film shouldn’t be on the list due to the twist ending but I disagree.  I think this is a perfect example of why one should be careful when wanting to have a child.  As someone who loved the idea of adoption, this film ending up putting the fear of God in me.  I still would like to adopt someday, but I have a feeling this movie will always be in the back of my mind when that time comes.

ORPHAN centers around a husband and wife, played by Peter Sarsgaard and Vera Farminga, who decide to adopt a nine year-old girl.  The plot seems simple enough, however, there is more to this child than meets the eye.  As the truth begins to unfold, we come to find out that this child holds a very dark and deadly secret with severe consequences.  It’s a perfect example of how you can’t trust anything or anyone for fear of what they could be harboring deep within themselves.

SHELLEY (2016)

shelley

Oh, pregnancy.  There aren’t many things in life that I fear, but pregnancy, that’s one of them.  What a woman’s body goes through during those 9 months completely horrifies me.  Sure, people will tell you it’s all worth it, especially that first time you lay eyes on your newborn child, but as someone who hasn’t had children, I can’t see it that way.  Also, YOU JUST LITERALLY CARRIED A HUMAN BEING INSIDE YOUR BODY FOR 9 MONTH.  Think about that.  That’s terrifying.

Anyways, I digress.  SHELLEY, is a film that came out this year from Sweden that definitely made me not want to have a child.  The film centers around a couple unable to have a child who ask their Romanian maid if she would be a surrogate.  The maid agrees but as the pregnancy begins to develop, things don’t go as planned. The movie itself is a slow burn horror film but that doesn’t take away from how effective it is.  The acting is superb and the overall theme of the film is one of terror and panic, especially for our lead actress that is responsible for carrying this child.  In the end, the film takes the best aspects of THE OMEN and ROSEMARY’S BABY and gives us a Swedish masterpiece of horror and tension.

THE EYES OF MY MOTHER (2016)

eyes-of-my-mother-2

One of my favorite films of 2016 is Nicolas Pesce’s THE EYES OF MY MOTHER.  It’s shot beautifully in black and white photography and it has some of the best acting that I’ve seen all year, especially by the incredibly talented Kika Magalhaes.  It’s a hearbreaking film of loss and neglect and one of the few films that has left me feeling empty and torn up on the inside.

The film centers around a young, lonely woman, who had to bear witness to the vicious murder of her mother at a very young age.  As she grew older, she begins to develop unhealthy obsessions towards attachment and love.  It’s a film that is incredibly difficult to watch and it’s unapologetic in its nature.  As someone who has lost a parent, I could feel the pain that the character felt in the film, but I couldn’t relate to how it distorted her views.  With her mother gone, she is left with her father who is distant and unemotional which results in her going to great lengths to find love and acceptance in the most unusual and terrifying ways.

I wanted to add this film to my list because it’s the only one here that shows an adult with childlike tendencies that have formed into such horrific obsessions.  It scares me to think that if I were to have a child and anything were to happen to me, that something like this could affect my child in such a chilling way.

Overall, there are probably hundreds of films that could easily show why having kids is scary as shit.  As for now, this is just my personal list so if you have any suggestions please let us know.  If there is one thing that I’ve learned in putting together my 5 HORROR FILMS THAT WILL MAKE YOU NEVER WANT TO HAVE KIDS is that this is an effective sub-genre in horror that clearly gets under my skin.

 

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‘Strange Darling’ Featuring Kyle Gallner and Willa Fitzgerald Lands Nationwide Release [Watch Clip]

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Strange Darling Kyle Gallner

‘Strange Darling,’ a standout film featuring Kyle Gallner, who is nominated for an iHorror award for his performance in ‘The Passenger,’ and Willa Fitzgerald, has been acquired for a wide theatrical release in the United States by Magenta Light Studios, a new enterprise from veteran producer Bob Yari. This announcement, brought to us by Variety, follows the film’s successful premiere at Fantastic Fest in 2023, where it was universally praised for its creative storytelling and compelling performances, achieving a perfect score of 100% Fresh on Rotten Tomatoes from 14 reviews.

Strange Darling – Movie Clip

Directed by JT Mollner, ‘Strange Darling‘ is a thrilling narrative of a spontaneous hookup that takes an unexpected and terrifying turn. The film is notable for its innovative narrative structure and the exceptional acting of its leads. Mollner, known for his 2016 Sundance entry “Outlaws and Angels,” has once again employed 35mm for this project, cementing his reputation as a filmmaker with a distinct visual and narrative style. He is currently involved in adapting Stephen King’s novel “The Long Walk” in collaboration with director Francis Lawrence.

Bob Yari expressed his enthusiasm for the film’s upcoming release, scheduled for August 23rd, highlighting the unique qualities that make ‘Strange Darling’ a significant addition to the horror genre. “We are thrilled to be bringing nationwide theatrical audiences this unique and exceptional film with terrific performances by Willa Fitzgerald and Kyle Gallner. This second feature from talented writer-director JT Mollner is destined to become a cult classic that defies conventional storytelling,” Yari told Variety.

Variety’s review of the film from Fantastic Fest lauds Mollner’s approach, saying, “Mollner shows himself to be more forward-thinking than most of his genre peers. He’s clearly a student of the game, one who studied his forebears’ lessons with adroitness to better prepare himself to put his own mark on them.” This praise underlines Mollner’s deliberate and thoughtful engagement with the genre, promising audiences a film that is both reflective and innovative.

Strange Darling

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Sydney Sweeney’s ‘Barbarella’ Revival Forges Ahead

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Sydney Sweeney Barbarella

Sydney Sweeney has confirmed the ongoing progress of the much-anticipated reboot of Barbarella. The project, which sees Sweeney not only starring but also executive producing, aims to breathe new life into the iconic character that first captured audiences’ imaginations in the 1960s. However, amid speculation, Sweeney remains tight-lipped about the possible involvement of celebrated director Edgar Wright in the project.

During her appearance on the Happy Sad Confused podcast, Sweeney shared her enthusiasm for the project and the character of Barbarella, stating, “It is. I mean, Barbarella is just such a fun character to explore. She really just embraces her femininity and her sexuality, and I love that. She uses sex as a weapon and I think it’s such an interesting way into a sci-fi world. I’ve always wanted to do sci-fi. So we’ll see what happens.“

Sydney Sweeney confirms her Barbarella reboot is still in the works

Barbarella, originally a creation of Jean-Claude Forest for V Magazine in 1962, was transformed into a cinematic icon by Jane Fonda under the direction of Roger Vardim in 1968. Despite a sequel, Barbarella Goes Down, never seeing the light of day, the character has remained a symbol of sci-fi allure and adventurous spirit.

Over the decades, several high-profile names including Rose McGowan, Halle Berry, and Kate Beckinsale were floated as potential leads for a reboot, with directors Robert Rodriguez and Robert Luketic, and writers Neal Purvis and Robert Wade previously attached to revive the franchise. Unfortunately, none of these iterations made it past the conceptual stage.

Barbarella

The film’s progress took a promising turn approximately eighteen months ago when Sony Pictures announced its decision to cast Sydney Sweeney in the titular role, a move that Sweeney herself has suggested was facilitated by her involvement in Madame Web, also under Sony’s banner. This strategic decision was aimed at fostering a beneficial relationship with the studio, specifically with the Barbarella reboot in mind.

When probed about Edgar Wright’s potential directorial role, Sweeney adeptly sidestepped, merely noting that Wright has become an acquaintance. This has left fans and industry watchers speculating about the extent of his involvement, if any, in the project.

Barbarella is known for its adventurous tales of a young woman traversing the galaxy, engaging in escapades that often incorporate elements of sexuality—a theme Sweeney seems eager to explore. Her commitment to reimagining Barbarella for a new generation, while staying true to the character’s original essence, sounds like the making of a great reboot.

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‘The First Omen’ Almost Received an NC-17 Rating

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the first omen trailer

Set for an April 5 theater release, ‘The First Omen’ carries an R-rating, a classification that was almost not achieved. Arkasha Stevenson, in her inaugural feature film directorial role, faced a formidable challenge in securing this rating for the prequel to the esteemed franchise. It seems the filmmakers had to contend with the ratings board to prevent the film from being saddled with an NC-17 rating. In a revealing conversation with Fangoria, Stevenson described the ordeal as ‘a long battle’, one not waged over traditional concerns such as gore. Instead, the crux of the controversy centered around the depiction of the female anatomy.

Stevenson’s vision for “The First Omen” delves deep into the theme of dehumanization, particularly through the lens of forced birthing. “The horror in that situation is how dehumanized that woman is”, Stevenson explains, emphasizing the significance of presenting the female body in a non-sexualized light to address themes of forced reproduction authentically. This commitment to realism nearly landed the film an NC-17 rating, sparking a prolonged negotiation with the MPA. “This has been my life for a year and a half, fighting for the shot. It’s the theme of our film. It’s the female body being violated from the inside outwards”, she states, highlighting the importance of the scene to the film’s core message.

The First Omen Movie Poster – by Creepy Duck Design

Producers David Goyer and Keith Levine supported Stevenson’s battle, encountering what they perceived as a double standard in the ratings process. Levine reveals, “We had to go back and forth with the ratings board five times. Weirdly, avoiding the NC-17 made it more intense”, pointing out how the struggle with the ratings board inadvertently intensified the final product. Goyer adds, “There is more permissiveness when dealing with male protagonists, particularly in body horror”, suggesting a gender bias in how body horror is evaluated.

The film’s bold approach to challenging viewers’ perceptions extends beyond the ratings controversy. Co-writer Tim Smith notes the intention to subvert expectations traditionally associated with The Omen franchise, aiming to surprise audiences with a fresh narrative focus. “One of the big things we were excited to do was to kind of pull the rug out from under people’s expectations”, Smith says, underscoring the creative team’s desire to explore new thematic ground.

Nell Tiger Free, known for her role in “Servant”, leads the cast of “The First Omen”, set for release by 20th Century Studios on April 5. The movie follows a young American woman dispatched to Rome for church service, where she stumbles upon a sinister force that shakes her faith to its core and reveals a chilling plot aimed at summoning evil incarnate.

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